Not Resentful, just Stressed Out!

by Susan
(New Mexico)

My father is 83 (to be 84 in February) and my husband and I decided it would be better if he moved closer to us so we could look after him.

There have been several surgeries and a long recuperation that have left him pretty unstable. Cataract surgery went okay however he is not seeing as well as we think he should so the subject of taking the keys to car has come up from time to time. As you can guess he is very resentful when we bring this up and I really do not know what it will take for him to understand....a wreck? running over someone in the parking lot of the store? I am frazzled to say the least. Does anyone have any thoughts as how to make sense of this to him?

Also, we are considering home care as we both work (thank goodness) and really are stretched for time between work and our own home. Getting home at 6PM only to go over and make supper and straighten up AND THEN arriving at our home to do the same thing. My husband has been a really great help, but we both can see the stress and strain on each other as this has been a 7 day a week process with no vacations or time off for the last 3 years.

Our intent is to make this a comfortable situation for him and our family but it is very stressful from time to time....PLUS my husbands mother is going to need the same thing very soon I fear....

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Elderly Drivers
by: Janet

Susan, if you feel he is not capable of driving, his doctor can notify DMV and they will send him a letter to either relinquish his permit or they may request him to come in a take the eye test.

Either way this takes it out of your hands. I take care of my soon to be 86 year old father who also cannot see due to macular degeneration and has health issues. He lives alone and I help everyday and I know all about the stress. My dad needs help with bathing now and I have looked into company's that offer help. I have found one which I think will work with him. Maybe you could try that. Have someone for a couple hours each weekday evening to help with his dinner, etc.

That gives you a break after work (which is when you probably need it the most) to unwind with your family and you could just call him and check on him before he retires for the evening. Hang in there, even with all the stress there are many rewards too.

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