Not Feeling Great
My problem is that although I care for my mother and want to help out, which I do (my sister and I both care for my Mom who still lives in her own house at 89!!) I have unresolved personal problems with my Mother.
I resent certain aspects of my upbringing (harsh discipline, emotional lack of support and ignorance of who I am as a person) that seem to keep coming back to me now at 51. I've dealt with these feelings all of my life and it was easy for the most part because I left home when I was 20 and have spent most of my time away from my parents (my father passed away in 2004).
I start out with really good intentions of being with her, and sometimes I am successful, but many times I am not and I come away from the experience extremely emotionally challenged and depressed and guilty. I want all this to end.
Her behavior is as it has always been and I resent her obliviousness. I have no interest in expressing my feelings to her as I've tried this before and nothing resulted but complete denial which made me feel even worse. She has always been an emotional wasteland for me. However, I want to make sure she is cared for and do not have any intention of abandoning her or anything of that extreme nature.
It is very challenging and I know it will end soon, but I often wish my bond with my parents had been different because I think I would have had a different perspective on life and relationships.