No Place Like Home?
by Sleepless in Santa Cruz
(Santa Cruz, CA)
My Mom has Alzheimer's and for a while we kept her living in her own beloved home up until about a year ago. There are five grown children she raised not to mention helping raise several grandchildren who are now grown too.
Out of the five only two have really been there for Mom. That would be my older sister and myself. What I find humorous is we are actually the youngest and it would seem least likely to be her caregivers but we did so while she was in her own home and we continue to oversee and care for her even now when she is living in a so-called Wonderful Alzheimer's Facility that everyone else seemed to think was most appropriate at the time.
My problem is we now have a considerable drive to get to her and still are seeing to the most basic needs such as assisting her with a shower, dressing her for the day and for bedtime and providing her with at least one really good meal since the food at the place she resides in looks and tastes terrible.
What I'm puzzling over is is my Mom really any better off being there or should we have kept her in her own home and hired in round-the-clock care? I realize its extremely expensive to do so but plenty of money is going out every month to this facility that really isn't providing the most basic of needs for her.
I read other peoples comments about how they resent being the "chosen one" but my Mom raised all of us and was a good Mom and most certainly deserves her grown and very capable children to be involved with her care when she needs them the most!
I know we are shaving years off of our own lives, my sister and me but there isn't anything I wouldn't do for this woman. I would really like to have her come and live with my husband and children but am outvoted by the other siblings who say she is in the best place possible and me and my sister don't have to do these things for her.
Are we both obsessed or are we just trying to do right by my Mom? My siblings said we are sick and need to get help and remove ourselves from the situation. They also said we are defeating the whole purpose of having her there so it frees us both up to tend to our own lives. Any thoughts on this or suggestions to my sister and me?