No help for me by Family for Our Mother

My mother had a fall which caused a brain bleed and broken arm and stroke-like symptoms on her right side, which she had to relearn how to walk again. I have been the sole caregiver for years to my mom.

My 6 brothers and sisters take me for granted.

When mom fell 4 months ago she ended up in the ER and then ICU. Later was transferred to acute care facility then sub acute care, and 2 months of rehab. Now, mom lives with me. I am her main caregiver.

My brothers and sisters come to help mom (and me) when their schedule permits. Now, here is the thing that would solve everything....

If my mom/family would hire someone a few times a week to help with her care to help me and give me free time, it would be great! But, my sister is on my mom's bank account and I am not. I do not have the authority.

My mom lives with me and yet I am not on her account. I am her medical power of attorney but not her 1st agent as financial power of attorney.

So, my sister and brothers don't seem to care much for me or they would visit regularly or hire someone to help me bathe my mom, cook, bring her to doctor appointments as I oversee all of her care.

My mom only wants my sister on her checking account. I am the most successful of all my siblings career wise and financially. My mom could be understanding but she is more sympathetic with others, not with me.

My family is selfish and my mom is an enabler of their behavior, defending why they don't help her (or me). I want my mom to continue to get healthy and she is now doing so well but can't live alone. What can I do?

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I know
by: Anonymous

I know what you are experiencing very well. ((HUGS))) My suggestion would be to have your Mom's doctor have a family conference with your siblings, Mom and you. Have the office make the arrangements.

If the doctor is of the same mind as you, he will lay everything out to them as far as caregiving and what your Mom and you need. It is a family affair and it is very common for siblings to take advantage of the "one".

You may or may not get the help you need, but at least it is out there, and your siblings know. I am sorry that you have had to go through this.

Another suggestion is to start keeping a daily diary of what goes on, what you observe with your Mom, etc. I started that and gave what I had to her doctor to keep in her file - just in case! He thought it was an excellent idea. It will protect me if something happens.

Ask any therapists if they would write a letter outlining the need for help and what they observe - give a copy to the doctor as well. All of this information may sway your siblings. If they don't see it, it doesn't exist. That has been my experience.

I was the designated caregiver for a couple of years with little help from my siblings. Our mother has vascular dementia and has escalated over the last year.

I have my disabled adult at home and he started a major regression several months ago. I was screaming for help. Eventually, my brother who is her Power Of Attorney, got visiting nurses to come in for a few hours a week. They did not work out.

We now have Home Instead - it is better, but Mom needs 24/7 care. She has fallen twice in 3 weeks. My brother has finally seen the need to place her in a facility.

We have our second family conference next week.
Good luck with all of this.

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