No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

by Alexis

There ARE No Siblings--I'm The Helper Monkey Daughter

I'm an only child of an 88-year-old mother with dementia. I'm 64, and I see what's left of my good years being sacrificed for her.

My relationship with my mother was always, um, *difficult*. I know she loves me, but she's also overbearing, stubborn, arrogant, and now, unreasonable, angry and nuts. She treats me like I'm a teenager. She's in a decline but, like others here, I'm worried she'll go on for another five years or more.

She really should not be living alone in her house, but I cannot budge her. She's incompetent and frail because she went to bed 20 years ago and has lived an isolated life.

I'm her only social contact, and she has expected me to provide entertainment, even a vacation (!!), which I've ignored. I live about 10 miles from her, and I make trips back and forth several times a week, sometimes twice in the same day.

She calls constantly to gripe, to get reminders about what day it is, etc. I had to give up my job because of the unending interruptions (recently she called 19 times in one day), so my income has fallen dramatically.

If I don't answer the phone she gets mad. If I answer the phone, she's already mad. It's just awful.

I keep track of her medications, her schedule of doctor appointments, do her shopping, buy her cigarettes--yes, she still smokes, even with COPD--and I run other errands.

She doesn't remember things she says, and sometimes I can't ignore them or let them slide. The advice about remaining patient and calm in the face of insults and name-calling is good for a saint, not me. She's forever demanding back her house keys and I usually refuse. Once, in a fit of exasperation, I gave them back. Then she got mad about that.

She won't let me bring in outside help and she won't go anywhere else. Meals on Wheels is out, but she complains that she has nothing substantial to eat.

I tell her I'll get whatever she wants, but she always says she doesn't know. So I have to make educated guesses.

It has to be really easy, because even heating something in the microwave now counts as cooking to her.

Her house is dark, stuffy, and gloomy because she won't open the blinds or the windows, even on nicer days.

If I could walk away tomorrow, I'd do it without looking back. I feel all alone in this--well, I guess I am. The situation has impacted my relationships with others and I'm often in a funk.

Click here to post comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Elder Care Anger and Resentment.

Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2019 | All Rights Reserved

Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. Overwhelmed

    Jan 03, 20 12:40 PM

    I’m overwhelmed, tired, resentful and at this stage ready to put my mother in a nursing home because I work full time and have a job that’s 24/7. This

    Read More

  2. Now it is the guilt trip from the angry mother

    Jan 03, 20 12:38 PM

    Hi it me again with that anger mother issue. So I get a message from her telling me she needs some of my time. That my own family should realize when I

    Read More

  3. Long Distance Care

    Dec 30, 19 12:46 PM

    My 85 yo mother lives alone in her own home, and has been experiencing increasing memory loss over the past 2-1/2 years. She refuses to move, but I am

    Read More