Next Steps..

by Marie
(New Jersey)

I am the oldest of six children. My mom already had me when she met and married my step dad. Mom died when she was 39 years old.

I never had a good relationship with my step dad. He was mentally abusive to my mom and I have no love or respect for him.

Fast forward, dad is now 88 years old and my sister has done everything she can possibly do to be the glue that keeps our family together. Dad was an active, healthy gentleman until his girlfriend of twenty years and his two younger brothers died over the past six months.

He was moved into a beautiful Assisted Living Facility after a short stay with my sister. He was miserable and mean. Now he has lost more than 45 pounds and complains about everything. Last night he told my sister not to come back.

She has visited him 5 days a week for the past 4 months, two of my other siblings see him on the weekends.

My sister was beside herself. I was planning to see him today since my sister is away for the weekend.

Do I approach him and let him know how hurtful he is being?

Do we start the hospice process so that all of my siblings receive outside support to stick by him as he approaches the end of his journey? None of us can comprehend why he would choose to give up on life when our mom fought so hard to stay while battling cancer.

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Not sure the comment will help
by: Anonymous

I'm not sure telling him how you feel will do any good. My mother has complained for the last 20 years about everything and any body. I couldn't do anything right I was a bad daughter.

So I left things to my brother, she calls me to tell me how much he messes things up. I told her well I guess the grass isn't always greener on the other side.

I think at this point all you can do is hope for the best but expect the worst behavior from him. Once they become verbally abusive they don't stop.

Good luck

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