Never Wanted It

(Michigan)

My mom and I never got along, shes overbearing, abuser, when younger she was verbally and physical abuser.

My brother and I grew up being told we were worthless no good son of ------- black -------extra. But she always took care of us.

Made sure we had what we needed, and at times loving. She could be telling us she loved us, then sec be yelling or hitting us. Now im only one she has.

Brother died a few years ago. And none of her grand kids come around. Her only brother left hes 81, and will stop in. I have my own family and home about 18 miles away from her. I do love my mom, but don't like the person she can be. I refuse to be abused verbally and will walk out.

She's became unable to walk without falling. She abuses me by saying I don't come only couple times a week to see her. And I don't do this then says things about my husband which has always been good to her. She's in a nursing home right now for therapy.

But I don't think she will be able to go back to her house this time. And there no way I will bring her here. My marriage would go down hill fast due to her screaming out. Or the guilt she tries to give people around her. And one of us would not come out of it. Most likely me.

So how do I just do what I can, without guilt or her saying I cant believe your doing this to me. Right now she been there 3 weeks I've been there Monday- Friday every week 3-4 hours and only missed one whole weekend. I'm disabled myself and 66 years old. Lot of mental issues due to my life and the cost of going there is taking a money we need.

But when I try to stay home I get accused some how by her. So today I told her I cant come daily and will not go to your house everyday because you want something there. And I wont be coming at all weekends.

That I know shes in real good hands. Shes even told people there they spoil her and loves them for all they do. So I said your safe here so I'm taking a few days per week for me. That set her off and I walked out. So how do you set your limits. How do you say enough is enough?

I know shes scared, I think she knows she might not get to go home. And at first she was very weak and I thought she was going to die. But I have to for my own health. I was having pain down my left arm for 3 days. Doctor say not heart. But high level of stress, and I had to put limits on it.

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You Already Solved It!
by: Bonnie

I am 66 and my 94 year old mother lives with me. She's a pretty nice & easy woman to take care of. Plus my 3 siblings help. BUT ... having done this for 2 years now, I wish I'd done what you had the courage to do in putting your own needs first.

Bravo to you for being so courageous!! You must put yourself first before you can help any one else - especially when someone else throws the guilt card at you for not doing more. Your mother IS in the right hands. They WILL take care of her.

I know it won't be easy to stick with your stance but I'm hoping you do. If I knew 2 years ago what I know now, I would've done the same thing because at this point I'm starting to wonder if there will be anything of me left for me when my mother does die. I feel guilty admitting that, but I don't know how much more I can take.

Best of luck to you.

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