My 83 year old mother is very demanding although she's doesn't think she is. My dad past away 5 years ago from dementia. During the last 2 years of his life, she in my eyes, was selfish. My parents were fortunate to have a nice house, money in the bank for retirement, 5 children, myself & my sister don't work.
My other sister lived only a few blocks away and worked from home so we've always been close. Because of my mother, my dad had to spend 1/2 of 2011 and half of 2012 in a hellish VA nursing home 30 minutes from where we lived.
I begged her not to put him there and he knew that is not where he lived. During his 11 months there he went down hill and was abused so she finally agreed to take him home.
He lived the last year of his life in his home around his children and her, and past away at home. It was no problem once he was home because like I said, they had money for home help and the VA supplied the bed, geri chair a lift, diapers, etc.
Anyway, I remember her saying she was jealous during this time because we would be over there in shifts to help with his feeding and changing but SHE wasn't getting attention. Well now that he's past she worse then ever.
She had to stop driving a couple of years ago but doesn't seem to want to slow down on her extra
curricular activities. I'm glad she's still mobile but she expects my sister and I to be at her beck and call. We both have husbands, households, our own lives and that's not the way it works.
I willing to help her but she thinks it should be on her terms! She's driving me crazy with her ugliness after I do all kind of stuff for her! She's lucid. This is not onset of dementia. To me it's plain selfishness. She's not the Queen Bee!
I'm 58, my sister is 56. My other sister moved about 30 minutes away so she's pretty much out of the loop although my mother can guilt her into coming and taking her places once in awhile. My mother goes to every freaking kind of doctor like every month.
My poor dad didn't get this care and he always worked!! My mother never worked. I have grown children but one is still at home and in school. My husband works all week and wants me to be with him on weekends.
Then my mother gets an attitude because she doesn't have someone there paying attention to her all weekend long! Yet when my dad was healthy and retired, they did what they wanted whenever they wanted and I'm glad they had the chance but we're afraid to let her know we're doing anything to enjoy ourselves because sometimes we'll get a jealous comment about it!
If she was more pleasant, maybe I wouldn't have this resentment and WANT to be around her more!