Never Been Away

by Sheshe
(Arizona )

I am 57 l have never been away from my mom. Never been married no kids. We are Jehovah's Witnesses. When I was little I watched my dad abuse my mom because she wanted to go to meeting and go from door to door as we do. It was very bad persecution for her. Many times I thought he was going to kill her. We left him when I was 13 years old and every sense then we have been together. I feel like I am her protector."No one mess with my mom unless they go through me first". We have done every thing together. Such as replace floor tiles, paint house, we had a cleaning business, and now we have an in home Child Care Center.

My mom is 86 will be 87 next month. Her health started going down about, I would say 30 years ago that when our rolls started to change. I didn't get it at first. But I saw that I was having to make more and more of the house hold decision then usual. And I noticed that she was not liking that at all.

To make a long story short. This year her life completely changed. On our vacation she had a pulmonary aneurysm (blood clots in her lungs) so now along with aches and pains of old age, memory lost and everything else she is down for the count.

And my mom is not one of those women who can grow old gracefully. She is a fighter!!!!!. And very stubborn. And she loves her children. So she tries to make herself work in the child care and do the things she use to do. But she can.

So me trying to make her lay down eat right and take her medications is very hard. So we
get into arguments a lot. Where she's going into her room and crying and I am trying to take care of the kids crying.

For the pass ten years she as become very Reliant on me for everything. I have lots of friends that will take her to her doctor appointments, but she will not let them she wants me to. So sometime I have to close the child care and take her or hire someone to come in for a few hours.

But it has to be someone who has experience first aid, CPR, and fingerprints. (Hard to find) sometimes I ask the parents if they can come in later or come pick up kids early so I can get her to her appointment.

In November I got really sick had to be rushed to the hospital. Stay there for six days. Had no choice but to close child care for 4 days. After this week lost 2 clients because they said we close to much. That is not true I usually had a plan if I had to close.

I felt that they just used that as an excuse. But still made me thing. I have no time for myself between taking care of mom and child care kids and paperwork. Cooking cleaning where is the time for me.

If I go to gym mom want to go and just hang out at the gym. She will ride the bike and try to get some walking in but I am worried about is she okay. Did she fall but she doesn't understand that.

And I am guilty to I like my mom to be with me I invite her to do things with me. But at the same time I know I need some breathing room but don't know how to take it. Help!!

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