Needs of My Mother Before My Daughter

by Denise
(Prince George B.C. Canada)

I moved my mom into my home in March of 2014. She grieved at leaving her city, her own home,and my sister, her other daughter.

I prayed with her, encouraged her and felt horribly guilty thinking I'd caused so much unhappiness in her life..yet it was impossible with her living alone with severe end stage COPD.

My sister was experiencing depression going back and forth trying as best she could but it was apparent Mom needed full time care.

So here I am 2.5 years later, trapped. I barely see my husband, we have no one in and can't leave her alone. Because of the breathing problems her commode is right next to her chair in the living room and that's as far as she gets these days.

We do leave her for church but take separate vehicles so I can rush straight home. I am getting angrier and more resentful by the day.

My sister is spelling me off for 10 days soon and we are getting away. It still doesn't feel right or normal. I can barely stand being around her and believe me all the old codependent stuff from the past is finding it's way back to choke me.

I realize her neediness robbed me of years of my younger life and now it's the final choke hold.

I'll be 63 in January and I am bitterly resentful. I do ask God for his Grace, I do exercise but I never see my daughter or grandchildren. My fault really as I put my Mother and her needs before my daughter..I am deeply grieved.

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Stages of COPD
by: Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

End stage COPD is just a staging term. She went into end stage 10 years ago. You can read about the stages and what they mean on Web Med or any number of online sources.

Let Go, It's time!
by: Anonymous

Your mother's condition sounds as if it has deteriorated to point of requiring hospice care.

You should really start to think about this, and realize that if she is in "end stage" COPD that the inevitable can't be forestalled very much longer.

People mustn't be kept alive in misery forever out of good intentions just because they feel it isn't time to go. I'm sorry if I may sound flippant, but I hope you will find the strength to let go. Good luck to you.

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