Nasty, Mean Father Making Caregiving a Real Burden and Health Risk for Me.

by Darlene
(Clarence Center, NY USA)

I am the sole caregiver. My baby sister just retired and can now help out.

However, after the display of meanness from my father Christmas eve she does not want to deal with him. She and I are afraid we are going to loose our tempers with him.

He is very good at picking at her especially, she can do nothing right. Now he tells her she should not have retired.

She wants to go to London England as a retirement vacation. His reply was, "Look what happened to your sister, she went to London and then died." "Didn't you learn anything from her mistake?"

Our sister did not die because she went to London, she died because she was one in a million to get spontaneous Mad Cow disease. He just gets worse.

And, now he has taken up drinking and then he is really mean. We fear for our mother's well being living with him. I brought her to our house to stay for a few days trying to convince her to stay. I thought he would enjoy being left alone.

Only to have him show up at our house and take her back home with him. She agreed to go. And, now we are back to worrying.

Can I just take her out of that environment?

What do you do with a mean old man. So sad because his father, my grandfather was a dear!

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by: Leasa

You are not responsible for your parent's sins. Honestly, you are not. I know it is heart breaking, as I've been there, done that.

Your mom had a clear out and counseling from you. She CHOSE to go back to him. It was her choice and unless she is suffering from dementia, you have to respect her decision.

Many people have family members die and many parents have a child die. That is no reason to, especially years later, to think it is a good reason to make the remainder of ones family miserable.

Insulting and mean is just that and he does it because he is uncaring and selfish.

Stop thinking you and your sister owe a debt here. You offered your mom...she refused. Case closed.

Tell your dad openly and honestly how you feel and that you will no longer take his crap. Offer your mom one more time and lay it out, tell her how you feel and that she doesn't need to deal with his abuse if she does not want. He has no power over her unless she gives it to him.

IN the meantime, get counseling, go to Al-anon and offer the same to your sister, go together. You will be so relieved if you do. It's not 'selfish' to not take abuse.

Confront Him
by: Anonymous

I know your going through a rough time, the death of your sister must have hit him harder than you think.

Why don't ask him why he is so mean. maybe he'll get a clue as to how he is acting.

I'm not sure what else you can do.

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