Narcissistic Mother

I am so burnt out being a caregiver of my Mom even being in a nursing home. It's a nightmare that's never ending.

I wish now I had just walked away. I'm locked in & can't see anyway out. This women has been abusive to us three children her whole life. She married my father @ 14 years old. I can't hardly stand her.

I'm absolutely physically & mentally sick after being around her. Her & my father had sex in front of me as far back as 3 or 4 years old. I am the oldest daughter. I am pretty sure I was present when my brother was conceived as well as my baby sister.

Her and my father divorced when about 13 years old & she had sex in front of us all the time,and either her boyfriends would try to have something to do with me or that hated kids. We(my brother & I)moved back with our Dad..My baby sister was left with a nightmare mother(not a mother a mentally ill terrorist).

For some reason She has always hated me the most. She spent most of life in horrific situations usually caused by her craziness.

Even though she is in a nursing home,I'm still burdened with yearly reports to Medicaid and other mentally torturer of her crap. Oh, she's an angel in front of my daughter and my granddaughter. But, she cuts me down. I am so out of it I
sometimes wonder how much longer I can hang on.

My siblings have flat quit doing anything to help. Oh my brother was always causing me & anyone around problems. He is like a Male side of our so called Mother. I'm 64 I just want to live my life in peace. I do not know how to legally stop being her caregiver and I don't know how much more I can take.

I'm depressed, I isolate,I'm on medications for depression. I am seeing a counselor every week. A couple of years before having strokes & going to nursing home, I invited my then 76 year old Mother to Christmas dinner at which time her boyfriend younger than me shows up..while she was cutting up something this boyfriend got behind her&started grinding on her backside and then French kissing her in front of my Grandchildren & her Great Grand which time my children gathered up my grand children,her great children had to be ushered outside.

Then when she went to the nursing home.

This idiot boyfriend starts showing up to visit..the staff thought he was her son. I found out his number and told him if I heard of him back at the nursing home(especially having sex with her there)I would file charges..

Does anyone have any idea why I AM done with this crazy hateful abusive person that says she's our Mom..I am DONE and I want completely out..Thanks for letting me post. Blessings

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Hang in There
by: Anonymous

Wow! I can feel your pain. My mom is narcissistic also. My dad was practical her slave for 50 years until he died and now I have to take care of her.

I have laid down some guidelines but she doesn't respect them. She is so lazy. She won't do anything for herself. We also did not get along in the past.

She drank with her medication and was very violent towards us. She would say awful, awful things to my dad, my sister and I. She has interfered in my relationships and my career by calling up my supervisors and filing complaints.

I have chronic pain from a work related injury and I am trying to do my best to manage that. I am too trying to do the right thing. I figured she raised my for 18 years so I need to help her in her final years.

I feel like I died inside (heart & soul) with all my personal losses and now this. The only thing that exists of me is a empty physical body going about being the dutiful daughter.

I keep saying to myself that one day it is going to be over. I am sorry to say this but it is the only thing that keeps me going. I once had a lot of faith in "God" but now I just believe in a "creator" who is just as dysfunctional as we are.

There can't be a "compassionate God" when it comes down to cancer, Alzheimer's and all the violence in this world. It is down right cruel. We are mere reflections of our creator. At least I am caring for my mom. I didn't hand her away to run off on my own self fulfilled prophecy.

I don't even bother to pray anymore. I just try to talk to my dad where ever he is at night before I go to sleep. He knows what I am going through.

I do have a lot of compassion for my mom who is disintegrating before my eyes. As you all know it is so hard to watch. You remember how active they were. Now they can barely stand up and make it to the bathroom. I don't see any purpose in all this pain & suffering. Please don't mention to me about God's love, perfection, sin, karma and the like! Its all BS.

I do have to learn how to back away and to stay away for a day or two, a week or more. Then she will have to get off her butt and take care of some of her basic needs. One day it will be all over!

And no doubt if there is a heaven, we will all be there for all that we did and all that we put up with. We hung in there and we cared for our parents till the end! If that isn't a saint then I don't know what is. It is certainly not someone hiding in a church or monastery praying.

Walk away
by: Anonymous

It sounds like you have suffered enough. Walk away.

Wow -
by: Anonymous

Wow, I can certainly understand how you feel overwhelmed and bitter. I have talked to many caregivers of parents that have deep resentments from the past. It makes it even harder to care for them.

I have also seen families with large number of siblings try to work out a visiting schedule so that someone would be there to help the patient, but preventing burnout for just one person going all the time. Unfortunately more often than not, it still always falls on one person.

I am glad that you are taking care of yourself - medication and counseling. What does your counselor say about your situation?

As a Christian, I can only speak from that perspective. I know God can help you let go of the resentment, because it will only hurt you, not her. Try giving it all to Him, and ask Him to help you forgive her. We must forgive in order to be forgiven ourselves.

But it doesn't mean that you have to continue going to the Nursing Home all the time either. I do know that many times the Nurses say the patient is fine when family doesn't come to visit all the time. I pray that a church group will start visiting your Mom. There area some genuinely caring people, that love to visit the sick, and they will pray with her, for her, bring her boxes of tissues, fruit, etc. Sing, and all kinds of things. Ask the nurses for referrals.

I do hope that things get worked out before your Mom dies. It is so hard to carry unresolved issues around. I am sorry that you had to go through all that you have. My heart breaks for you.

I will be praying for you and please don't be so hard on yourself. You are a wonderful person, for you have been trying to care for her, when noone else would, it seems to me

Turn over your care to the nursing home
by: Anonymous

You can turn over care to the nursing home, see a lawyer and do it.

I have stopped seeing my mother. Every time I get to her house I can't wait to get out of there. I feel bad and don't want to feel that way but at 53 she is still telling me how to live my life and that everything is wrong with it. I'm happily married just happened 2 years ago.

I'm sorry things are so bad for you.

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