My Son's Father-in-law Moving In with Him and his Family

by Betty
(Fitchburg, MA)

My sons' father-in-law is a stroke victim. This happened within the past few weeks. It was a bad stroke, left side affected, was not able to receive medication due to the fact there is a 3 hour window, feeding tube, can not speak, read or write and is in an adult diaper. My son is an LPN, his wife an RN. Two small children and a house too small for an extra person.

I do not believe that this dear man should live with my son and his family in the condition that he is in. My daughter-in-law who adores her dad is being a wonderful daughter trying to help her dad.

Her mother has a mental illness which keeps her from caring for her husband. Her illness could have been handled so that her life with her family could have been much different. Her husband who also is her guardian does not believe in taking medications and would not give her the medications that could have given her a life with her children. This same man was told for years to use Lipitor because of his hypertension and refused. The stroke he had was due to the arteries in his neck, 1 completely blocked, 1 becoming blocked. That is how his stroke happened.

I believe that it is harder to tell a loved one who is in need of 24 hour care that they must go to assisted living or a nursing home. It is harder than bringing them home. My mother got to that point in her life. I knew because of my own health issues, a full time job, a marriage that had its problems my mother could not live with us. My sister and brother had their reasons.

It was the hardest thing I have ever done. I had to tell her she needed to go to assisted living.

The end result of 5 years of living in assisted living was good for her. She made friends, a boyfriend and when she passed I believe that last few weeks were her happiest. I still did what I could for her while she lived there.

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My Son's Father-in-Law is Moving In with Him and his Family
by: Betty

Good Morning to whoever reads this comment.
I wrote about my son's father-in-law moving in with him for one reason only and that is to bring a loved one into your home who needs 24 hour care is a great sacrifice.

I understand the need to be there for those who were there for you. Before doing that you must truly put a great deal of thought into what challenges are ahead of you. Is it best for you or best for your loved one. I am 66 years old and have already told my children if I become so ill that I need skilled nursing 24 hours a day, please do not feel that you must care for me.

I love my grown children very much and I know they love me. It would be my choice to go to an assisted living or skilled nursing home. My husband feels as I do. Our children have their own lives and we want them to be happy and enjoy life. It is so difficult to watch a loved one reach the point of needing 24 hour care, our hearts break. But you must think of them first.

There are many great assisted living homes and skilled nursing homes where people dedicate themselves to taking care of our loved ones. I know that through hard work you will find the right one for your loved one. We must make difficult choices in this life. It is the love that we show to each other that is so very important.

You did the Right Thing!
by: Anonymous

Nursing homes today are not the same as they were 50 years ago. As long as you look for one that is accredited, clean and has a nursing staff with a friendly attitude and keep going for visits it is the very best place for our loved ones to be at a certain point in their lives.

I went through almost the same as you. I cared for my mom for two solid months, 7 days a week...she could not stand I used a Hoyer and she was becoming miserable and demented. There was no appreciation at all. She got very ill at home and I had to admit her to hospital, she almost died.

I knew then I could not care for her at home and still expect to have my own home, family and business, it was killing me. After she got over her extreme hurtful anger and she settled in, it was sooo much better. I felt like a daughter for the first time in years and not just someone who makes sure she has everything.

Now sadly, she is palliative care and not expected to make it much longer and she is very confused. I am so glad I am not ending my time with her as a tired, bitter angry person. All I have to do now is show her love.

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