My Sister's Resentment Makes Her Mean
I live far away from my family due to work. My parents are in the decline of their lives. My Dad, with cancer is so good, doing so much to care for my Mom, who has mobility issues, and needs a lot done for her.
My sister lives in the same small town. She drives them to their doctors appointments in the city, about an hour away. My parents regularly give her gas money. I have another sister who lives in the city, but can't help due to health issues, and her husband won't help.
My brother, who also lives in the city, doesn't help. My sister who lives in the same town as my parents resents her role, and sometimes expresses her anger at being the only sibling doing the driving.
She is vocal about it to my parents too, and her behaviour is sometimes snapping, and hostile to them. I hate this so much. I send money, and arrange for paying for a senior service to take them to the city, when she can't do this, or so she can get a break, but this does not seem to stop her tendency to express herself toward my parents in this hurtful manner (I think it's abusive actually).
She makes them feel that they are a burden...I tried to talk to her about it, but she is impossible to discuss this with; she tells me it's none of my business how she interacts with our parents. She behaves in a way, that makes me feel she could easily, out of anger, refuse to help my parents, or cut me out altogether if I try to push a discussion.
She thinks she is doing nothing wrong. I hate it that
my mom and dad are subjected to her anger. When I talk to them on the phone, I see how hurt they are by her when she acts like this. They are always grateful for her help, tell her this frequently, and give her money to try to contribute (they are on very reprinted incomes).
They can't help what is happening to them. I can't help that in my life, that finding work means I have lived so far away. I understand she has her own life interrupted, but she does not have a job, she does live right there, so yes, it is somewhat easier for her.
She had their support and help a lot because she lived near them, for all of her life. And yes, they did a LOT for her, BECAUSE she was so near them. Being away my whole life, has meant everything I've done and been has been on my own, without the assistance of family.
It is not all one sided, this business of being the sibling who is/ has lived nearest. Those are facts. Her resentment is hurting my parents. I don't know what I can do. I help out financially; there isn't much else I can do from this distance.
I love my parents; I feel I wish I was free of a job, and lived near them, so that I could help them during such a difficult time in their lives. I often lay awake at night and worry about them. Yes she is being the one who is needed and available right now.
It is not a life sentence. I understand it interferes with her own life, but maybe she needs to see how she is hurting vulnerable elderly people here.