My Sister that Lives Close by Never Helps!

by Nina
(Burbank, California)

I have been taking care of my mother for the past 5 years. I had an automobile accident, and sustained a really bad injury, went on disability for a year, and after my disability was not renewed, I resourced to my savings, until it was all gone.

I was forced to move in with my sister (that one that lives close by, and does not help)...My mother lives in Whittier, Ca, and I live in Burbank (because of house rules, I cannot live with her) so I drive to Whittier, and back to Burbank every day.

My sister calls my mom, every other day, but has not visited her for the past 3 years. Her suggestion is that I bring her to her house at least once a month, but that does not relieve me, she expects me to take care of her, and cook, because she is "too tired to cook".

Today, I called her and told her that she needs to come and visit, and take her out at least once a week. I told her that I needed a break, and that I wouldn't come along. Oh, also when I bring my mom to her house, and we decide to go out, I have to drive, because she hates driving.

I'm overwhelmed, and fed up with this situation. My other sister lives in Vancouver, and comes, and visits once a year, and never comes to my mom's house. My brother lives in Valencia, and we visit him, or try to visit once a month, and stay there for a week. He goes out of his way to cook, and make her as comfortable as possible, my sister-in-law helps out as well, and they call her once a week.

My biggest thing is that I don't feel appreciated. I forgot to mention that my mom's doctors are all in Burbank, so whenever she has appointments (at least 5/6 a month, I picked her up, drive her back, and go back to sleep at my sister's. Because I take care of her 7 days a week. I do spend Friday, and Saturday night at her house, but spend Monday through Friday at her house from 11am through 8:30pm

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F R U S T R A T E D ! ! ! !
by: Anonymous

Thanks, for your comments. Maybe I did not express myself clearly enough. I don't really care what my sister thinks, or anybody else for that matter, I'm upset that I'm a 49 year old woman that has no time for herself.

I do adore my mother, but I need help. My sister, works 30 hours a week, is off 3 days, and can walk to her work place, but my brother-in-law drives her, cooks, cleans, and does laundry. I'm not asking for her to take care her of my mother, but would love to have her take her of her one day a month.

When my mom has being hospitalized, I have slept at the hospital up to 23 days, and trust me I'm thankful that I have had the opportunity.

I am an accountant, but can't leave my mother alone. If I bring my mother to my sister's house, and I go and get a pedicure/manicure, and have coffee with a friend, my mom complains that she does not get fed, and I know it's true, so I have to cook, and bring food, but she wants me to cook for them as well. I am frustrated, not about what my sister thinks, but the lack of cooperation!

You are not your Sister...
by: Renata

Hello my sister:
The recent experiences you had gave you a glimpse of what really matters in YOUR life. But now you're getting 'the grand tour'. Focus on what God may want you to do for your mother and just do that!

By your mom you are needed, but by your sister you may feel that you have to earn your keep or even made to feel like a lesser person. Which infringes less on your sense of value? Another great benefit you have in this situation, is you don't have to think for tomorrow - just for today, don't worry about tomorrow, tomorrow will have it's own troubles and you can deal with that then.

Be patient and ask God to give you the grace to bring your mom the consolation she needs in her old age. Just take things one day at a time. Don't focus on what other people think of you. You are not what people think!

You are who God says you are... His child and He will never leave nor forsake you; when you are weak He will be your strength, and He has a plan for your life - He takes all things and works them together for your good. Find the joy in this new path you're on, get to know yourself better, get to know you mother too - differently...

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