My Mom is Driving Me up a Wall.

by Sandra
(Halifax, n.s.)

Our immediate family is small, just my younger sister(58 yrs. old), myself (70), and my 72 yr. old husband. I had to take Mom as my sister took a job up North in the Baffin Islands, I asked her, why was up there (she is divorced, and she told me it was to to keep the relatives away). I believed her, as I know her well, and this behavior is not new to her.

I am a throat cancer survivor (I hope), but am worried that my weight is falling and I cannot seem to gain. I fell over a craft table and broke my hip in November, and have one leg 2" shorter now.

Hubby is not well either, we are waiting for an appointment to see what the problem is with our GP..... thinks it may be Parkinson's.

My mother that we care for, will be 99 yrs. old in June/11, and drinks heavily, the GP said not to take it completely away from her, but we did do just that, then, my sister came home for a visit and took Mom to a camp where she let her have all the booze she wanted, even though I had a talk with her, and told her the problems we were having. Not just with Mom, but with both hubby and me.

She was there 2 months, so needless to say we were back to square one when she came home. Mom has become selfish, saucy and lazy (her health is A1, she has never been sick a day in her 99 yrs., so she is capable of helping prepare dinner, do her own wash and look after her own room and bathroom, but she does not. She must be pickled), my father was a heavy drinker also, so is my sister, I escaped that.

I find my guilt is so over-whelming that I cannot seem to find it in me to find a Senior Home for her.

I am writing this out of desperation. I am afraid of losing my own health, my husbands, and maybe even losing him to a divorce, as this is very hard on him also. He hides the liquor from her, if we didn't she would be drink all the time and I am telling the truth. We have found her on the floor several times drunk.

Two weeks ago (Hubby and I like a beer now and again, we caught her stuffing our beer into her under shirt. I talked to her GP and he told me to just put her in a home and dismissed me.

What can I do?

Thank you for reading,I am really afraid she will kill us both (hubby and me) because of all we have to do for her).

Thank you,

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Reply To Mom Driving Up A Wall
by: Anonymous

First of all, If she is in perfect health, able to care for herself why is she with you? I've been fighting the guilt trip myself, but it's not my Mom who causes it. I do it to myself.

My Mom is one of the sweetest, most giving, loving people there is. She doesn't want anyone doing for her, but she doesn't have a choice. I felt like I had to choose between my family and my mom. We don't have to and further more God doesn't expect us to.

I have sibling problems just like you. I had come to the point of a nervous breakdown before I had decided that I had had enough.Your siblings will allow you to do all that you will, because they know you will do it and especially if it's motivated by guilt.

If you lose your health or your family because of taking care of your Mom, you'll only resent her for it. Maybe you should see about rehab for your mother to get her off the alcohol and then assisted living. Good luck!

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