My Life, or Lack of It....
Thank you for sharing and the opportunity to share a bit of my life!
I find it very hard to be placed in a situation where one has to make the decision whether to place your elderly mum or dad in a nursing home.
I feel I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, torn between my heart strings and the responsibility of doing what’s medically correct for mums safety as she now requires 24/7 care due to a recent stroke.
I am single with a partner and have no children but I have spent my entire life at home caring for both mum and dad as well as supporting financially ... granted they were both self sufficient until dad passed away 18 years ago.
I was then left looking after mum and although I always knew that mum will become more dependent on me due to the normal aging process I never expected that things would change so drastically for us.
Mum is 89 and although she is willing to do things for herself we have been told that despite all the rehab she will never regain certain functions to her full capacity and will require another person with her at all times.
I have an older sister who has a son who have lived with us for over 8 years however, we seem to have had a falling out because after some time we just didn't have the family harmony we used to and nothing mum and I did to assist them was good enough, according to my sister she did it all by herself and no one helped with anything.
As a result they have both been estranged to us for over a decade and they have just recently come back into our lives because life is too short and she has decided to let bygones be bygones! I must say that I don't feel the sisterly love we once had many years ago, one day she can be nice as pie and considerate and the next I would be criticized because she disagrees with my point of view.
My sister has and still does resent me to this day for a decision that our mum made at the time before they moved out.
Although my sister says I’m not in this alone
and she will help however I'm not quite convinced that would be the case. I feel I’m being forced to bring mum home and to look after her despite the hospitals recommendation of placing mum in a nursing home.
My sister says she is here and will help of course, she’s not afraid of hard work but she’s not considering doing this 24/7 or how I feel about the situation and if I can manage or how long I will be able to manage it for because this will not affect her to the point it will me.
I feel my sister is not being realistic or considerate to either mum or myself. She says that neither of us can afford to give up work however we will bring mum home and we have to nurse her back to health.
I believe my sister is on a guilt trip for having neglected mum all these years or perhaps she has a secret agenda. Perhaps she thinks she can make up for it by playing happy families now and making this decision on everyone’s behalf.
I'm also willing to bring mum home but not if it's to her detriment. Clearly mum won’t get the care she needs as she cannot be left alone and one person cannot be in two places at the same time.
My sister hasn’t yet sat down with me to have a rational conversation about the whole situation, nor do I think she intends to.
I get the feeling that my opinion, needs, feelings or even well being don’t matter as long as she’s in charge and in control of things regardless of weather her decision is right or wrong!
So far we don’t have plan B in place and I feel that once mum comes home I WILL be alone and I don’t know who to turn to for support of any kind.
Ideally I want mum to be the way she was prior to the stroke but such is life, we don’t live in a perfect world and there is no magic wand.
It's very sad that this happens to families and when they turn on each other for whatever reason.
I guess I'm just not entitled to a life after all! I don’t hate my sister but I hate who she’s become.