My Elderly Father Insists he Can do it All for Mom.

I am a 50-year-old divorced woman with no children who lives with my elderly parents. Four years ago (when I came to live with my parents) my mother had a very debilitating left-brain stroke; after many years of smoking and heart disease, her health was precarious at best. She was not expected to survive the stroke, but she did - with much residual damage. At my father's insistence she has continued to live at home but requires a high level of care.


My father, always a very controlling personality (but never an emotionally open one,) insists on doing everything for her, even when it is not in her best interest. She "didn't like" the therapies she required, so Dad just told her she didn't have to try. Now she has lost almost her entire ability to speak, has much difficulty swallowing and drools constantly, but he says it is fine with him...even though her abilities continue to deteriorate. She has lost all muscle tone in both legs and one arm, and cannot keep her right eye open. She is frustrated with her physical condition and her inability to do anything about it, but mentally she is alert - and that combined with her physical limitations causes her to verbally and physically lash out. Dad says that is okay too. That she's just fine. Even "getting better."

They have asked me to stop accompanying them to physicians visits because I say the truth and they get upset with me about that, as the truth is no one's business but theirs. I am in contact with Mom's PCP, but until I have medical power of attorney there is not much that I can do.

I seem to be here only to referee and to be that back-up support system they demand, and I'm kind of losing my mind. Any ideas on how to get them to accept more help, both from me and from the trained health aides that I feel they so desperately need, or am I just stuck until time does the inevitable and I have to make decisions that no one will find any peace with?

Comments for My Elderly Father Insists he Can do it All for Mom.

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Rating
starstarstarstarstar
NOT so great....
by: Lynn

Neither have shared anything and it's getting to the point where this needs to happen as both of them are dealing with some health issues...

My mom's mental health and depression has recently changed for the worse. My dad continues to avoid dealing and continues to take her verbal abuse.

Not sure how this is going to go but it's not going to end good.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Caregiver Stress.


Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2018 | All Rights Reserved


Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. What to do - Mom will not allow me to fall proof home for Dad

    May 25, 18 09:49 AM

    My mother is 84 years young. Dad is 87 and has issues with falling. Mom will allow modifications to their home, if: 1) If it is not in a room where

    Read More

  2. Prevent Falls With Home Modifications

    May 25, 18 09:48 AM

    My mother was falling quite a bit. Her eyesight has gotten worse and her balance isn't quite as good anymore. However we noticed most of her falls were

    Read More

  3. Granddaughter taking care of Grandmother

    May 24, 18 11:44 AM

    I am a 30 year old woman living with my 93 year old grandmother. I've lived with her for about 5 years now. At first it was okay because she needed help

    Read More