My Brother is Useless

by Joe-Ann
(Marlton, NJ)

Mom lives with me. Hospital bed. Two shifts of caregivers every day. Caregivers that call in sick. Doctor phone calls. Changes in medications. Payroll to the girls. Overseeing Mom's care.


Getting up in the middle of the night when I hear her cough, call, drop something. Doing full care when I don't have a caretaker. Her paperwork. Ordering supplies. Orchestrating the various nurses, therapists and doctors that come to visit her. Arranging blood tests. Adjusting her medications. Scripts filled...all of it. Every day. Every week.

Just because I have help doesn't give my brother the right to not call. Not come. Not care. He claims he cares deeply. Worries so much about mom.

Brother has a heart condition. He's fragile. He's loving. But he's selfish and unrealistic. Thinks my Mom is gonna live forever.

He's also in the process of building a house. Which I've done and know how time consuming it is. How all encompassing it is.

However....I built my house while I was taking care of my mother...who, at the time wasn't as sick...but still needed care.

I'm beginning to get so angry at my brother that I don't even want to talk to him. I just pretend that I'm listening to his stories about the house building and then tell him I've got to get off the phone. He doesn't get it at all.

I don't even want to get into the discussion with him because he has a lot of legit excuses. I understand and love him. But I'm amazed at how selfish he is and how incapable he is to deal with any of this.

She's home from rehab for 2 months and he has visited only once.
He lives 2 l/2 hours away.

How can I get the message across to him without showing anger?

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I Agree Brothers are Useless
by: Anonymous

I can certainly empathize with you. I am caring for both my 86 year old Father and 83 year old Mother. Both with heart problems, cancer, diabetes, cataracts, and every problem in between. 24/7 365 days a year.

I have two brothers that live in different states and both are retired. Neither will come and stay with my parents so that my husband and I can leave for a few days.
Both have come for 1 week during a time when one of the parents were ill or in the hospital and left as soon as the parent was released to come home.

So, in between balancing hospital visits, conferences with the doctors,changing medications and caring for the parent that wasn't in the hospital I did not get any relief while the brother visited AND still had to make sure he and his wife had something to eat for dinner each night.
GOD help me.

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