My Brother is Useless

by Joe-Ann
(Marlton, NJ)

Mom lives with me. Hospital bed. Two shifts of caregivers every day. Caregivers that call in sick. Doctor phone calls. Changes in medications. Payroll to the girls. Overseeing Mom's care.

Getting up in the middle of the night when I hear her cough, call, drop something. Doing full care when I don't have a caretaker. Her paperwork. Ordering supplies. Orchestrating the various nurses, therapists and doctors that come to visit her. Arranging blood tests. Adjusting her medications. Scripts filled...all of it. Every day. Every week.

Just because I have help doesn't give my brother the right to not call. Not come. Not care. He claims he cares deeply. Worries so much about mom.

Brother has a heart condition. He's fragile. He's loving. But he's selfish and unrealistic. Thinks my Mom is gonna live forever.

He's also in the process of building a house. Which I've done and know how time consuming it is. How all encompassing it is.

However....I built my house while I was taking care of my mother...who, at the time wasn't as sick...but still needed care.

I'm beginning to get so angry at my brother that I don't even want to talk to him. I just pretend that I'm listening to his stories about the house building and then tell him I've got to get off the phone. He doesn't get it at all.

I don't even want to get into the discussion with him because he has a lot of legit excuses. I understand and love him. But I'm amazed at how selfish he is and how incapable he is to deal with any of this.

She's home from rehab for 2 months and he has visited only once.
He lives 2 l/2 hours away.

How can I get the message across to him without showing anger?

Comments for My Brother is Useless

Average Rating starstarstarstarstar

Click here to add your own comments

Same here
by: Anonymous

My brother has always been a goldigger, used to steal stuff from around the house to go sell. A smooth talker, liar actually. He knows how to kiss ass like a pro, my parents love him to bits, made him main priority, guess he reminds them so much of them in their youth.

Gone no contact with them, now my parents are old and useless (not that they were very useful to begin with, dad Peter pan syndrome, mom princess syndrome). My brother cheated them into selling the house so he and his wife can buy their own house. Knowing that they got cheated, didn't care, still love him to bits.

My brother took all the inheritance, now he is fully responsible for taking care of these two turds, his ass kissing got him some money, but plenty more responsibilities. His psychological health isn't getting any better either. Greedy parents, greedy son

couldnt agree more!!
by: Anonymous

i wish i had words of wisdom for you. but so filled with anger, frustration and disgust for my dead beat sib, that Im looking for advise too! But she HAS no excuse and lives with Mom. But rather than help, shes more of a burden.


I Agree Brothers are Useless
by: Anonymous

I can certainly empathize with you. I am caring for both my 86 year old Father and 83 year old Mother. Both with heart problems, cancer, diabetes, cataracts, and every problem in between. 24/7 365 days a year.

I have two brothers that live in different states and both are retired. Neither will come and stay with my parents so that my husband and I can leave for a few days.
Both have come for 1 week during a time when one of the parents were ill or in the hospital and left as soon as the parent was released to come home.

So, in between balancing hospital visits, conferences with the doctors,changing medications and caring for the parent that wasn't in the hospital I did not get any relief while the brother visited AND still had to make sure he and his wife had something to eat for dinner each night.
GOD help me.

Click here to add your own comments

Join in and write your own page! It's easy to do. How? Simply click here to return to Care Giving and Having a are you able to manage? .

Home | Site Map | About | Contact | Privacy Policy | Disclosure

© Copyright evSky Incorporated 2008-2019 | All Rights Reserved

Eldercare for

Aging Parents

Are you having a difficult time with being the "Caregiver" for Mom and Dad?

Click Here to Read What Others are Saying and Leave a Comment About Your Own Experiences....

Or Start your Own Discussion Page!

Recent Articles

  1. Need help with negative complaining mother

    Dec 28, 20 12:23 PM

    My mother is 93, in good health, no major heath issues, totally ambulatory. When my father died 6 years ago we found her a beautiful independent senior

    Read More

  2. Ugh!!

    Dec 28, 20 12:21 PM

    So I lost my mom 18 months ago. After her passing I would come to my parents house to clean and cook a couple of times a week for my dad. He still gets

    Read More

  3. 16yrs of Elderly care with NO HELP

    Dec 28, 20 12:18 PM

    I came back home in 2004 to help my dad as he had cancer, he eventually passed away few years later. Well here I am am in 2020 still at home taking care

    Read More