My brother and his wife do not help

by Marlene
(San Mateo, California)

Taking care of my elderly parents is such a hasell.

The guilt alone for thinking these words is a big burden to me. In addition, I am constantly bombarded with second guessing and being questioned from my brother about the quality of Dad and Mom's elderly care, that the anger I feel really comes to the breaking point sometimes.

Does anyone know how to handle the questions and wise cracks from a brother or sister who won't help but just second guesses?

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Tell them to take Over
by: Anonymous

Tell them to take over ..Tell them that they are certainly capable of doing a better job than you are, so they should take over as soon as possible.
And if they don't, then tell them to at least shut up.

I was in the same situation. My 4 siblings did absolutely nothing except criticize and gave free advice, until I told them to take over. Then they miraculously disappeared from the landscape, comments and all!

Of course, they did a fair share of back-biting and told relatives and friends about what a scum-bag I was, but they left me alone at least.

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Do less....Sibling needs the Opportunity to try it Himself
by: H Fuller

Pack up Mom and Dad and deliver them to the next one who makes a snide crack.

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I'm Doing the Best I Can...
by: Anonymous

The next time you are told or asked about the quality of elder care that you're giving simply tell them that you are doing the best that you can and invite them to share in the responsibility for caring for your elderly parent.

If they say no thanks (and they will), tell them that when they put as many hours into the care of your aging parent as you do, then they can feel free to comment.

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I Feel for You, Marlene
by: Laraine

At least when my sisters-in-law allowed their father to dump himself onto me (when I had to work and they didn't) they never complained about our care of him. Well, certainly not in my hearing; they might have whined to each other.

We did our best but you can't really care for an elderly person properly when you have to earn a living. Have you pointed out to them that they aren't doing their share? Have you suggested that if they don't think you're doing things right they should jolly well take over the job themselves?

Another thing you could do is send them to read the reactions of people like myself to your posting here. I think they are abominably selfish and disgustingly ungrateful for what you are doing.

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