My Best Friend... Mom? No, my Dog.
by Going thru the Motions
Growing up, I was very close to my dad but was always at-odds with my mom. My dad passed away several years ago and mom was left alone. And now that time has come. I'm in the Single-Daughter-No-Kids category. So of course, like so many others, I'm the Chosen One.
Just recently, I packed up all my household belongings, put them in storage, and moved 600 miles, into her home.
When I first left home at the age of 18, I grew up and let go of all the differences I had with my mom and we came to have a congenial, but formal, adult relationship. She had told me throughout these years that she could never understand mothers and daughters becoming friends. To her, it just wasn't right. She would say to me, "I'm your mother, not your friend."
I would wince inside, and longed for that deeper connection I saw with my friend's and their mothers.
Now that I've moved back in, we are back to the mother-daughter structure. She tells me what to do, how to do it, when to do it, why I should do it, and what's going to happen if I don't do it.
We go about our separate business each day, sometimes with hardly a word, not out of anger, but because there are only defined areas of which we can converse. We speak of the daily news, the weather, the doctor's schedules, the shopping, a movie...now that I list them, it's so sad, I can't even come up with anymore.
Life is short. My time with my mom is short. I know I'm with her for a reason. We have a soul connection, because we were put in each others lives on this earth. But I long for a heart connection. I long for a liking, a loving, an understanding, an acceptance, a closeness. When I see her in Heaven, I want to know her, like I will know my dog.