My 91 year old mother cries all the time

by Maureen
(Trenton NJ)

My mom is 91 years old and cries all the time. I believe that she has dementia. Somethings she says are very off the wall, and she is angry because I work parttime for extra money. She said either you quit you job or i go into a nursing home.


I am very drained mentally, financially and health wise.

Help.

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Best Option
by: Anonymous

Nursing homes are not like they were 20 years ago, not here in the UK anyway. They are very highly regulated and your mother will be cared for very attentively. There will be other residents and she will never be on her own.

Don't make the mistake of thinking you can do it all; in the early days possibly but it is a fact that it is downhill all the way from here and will just keep getting harder and harder. You have nothing to feel guilty about and once that starts to snowball it is hard to get a grip of and then your new best friend will be resentment.

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Honor her Wishes. Keep your job - put her in a home.
by: Anonymous

Let her go to the nursing home. Seriously. That may sound cold, but she's suggesting it, and it is BY FAR the best for you. That way the time you have left with her will be more pleasant for both of you because you won't be so stressed out.

You'll have more quality time with her than if she were at home. It may not be perfect but it will be better than if she stayed hindsight you. You will be in better health and will have more patience. Do it.

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I hear you
by: Anonymous

My mother and father are both living and they fortunately do not live with me. I don't mean that in a nasty way, it's just too overwhelming to even think about and I'm truly sorry for what you're going through.

My mother drains me to no end with all of her guilt trips and I'm at my limit. I can't tell you what decision to make but I heartily do not recommend quitting your job. I'm not sure if it's your only means of income but it may be your only means of sanity.

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Senior day care
by: Anonymous

Just wondering if your mother would be able to attend a day program at a local senior center while you are at working at your part-time job. Or perhaps, you might be able to bring in an in-home health care provider to your mother's home while you are at work. I recommend contacting your local county office that oversees senior citizens needs.

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your mom sounds very depressed
by: Anonymous

IMO you need to take her to her doctor and have them evaluate her for dementia and depression. Also if you can afford a facility (assisted living or nursing home) maybe you should let her go there. She sounds lonely.

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Nursing home
by: Anonymous

She is telling you what needs to happen... nursing home placement. Maybe she means it maybe not, but you need to live your own life the way you want to before care giving stresses you to the point of disability, insanity, or death.

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