My 87 Year Old Abusive Mother Is Still Abusing Me

by Irene
(New York)

Thanks for reading this. My mother lives with me. She is now 87 years old, very well read, is up on current affairs, has all her faculties intact and is as strong as a bull. I compare her to the embodiment of all the gangs in the US. Because that is the person who raised me and she has not changed.


Growing up she always treated me like a disease, I was blamed for anything that went wrong in the home. I was never appreciated, nor valued. She kept telling me since age 9 that "the biggest mistake of my life was to have children, you, you see all you, you are good for nothing, worthless"

Now that she has been living with me for almost 2 decades, her hatred for me has intensified. She constantly criticizes my choices in my past and present life. She complains about my socioeconomic status, and condemns me to hell. I hear this from her on a daily basis.

Over the years she has turned my home into a 'refuse dump'. Just last year January she hit me in my face with a bucket. I cannot sleep peacefully, I fear that she will deliberately and permanently maim me in my sleep.

I feel threatened, emotionally and mentally incapacitated when she is in the apartment with me. Her constant quarreling in my face caused me such distraction that I lost my phone on my way home from work. My ability to concentrate at work has been affected also.

I am slow, forgetful and easily intimidated, especially by other women.
I need to find a place for her where she can no longer verbally, emotionally and physically abuse me.

Where do I turn, please.

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It’s been too long ...
by: Anonymous

You seriously should remove yourself from her reach. That may look like getting to therapy and maybe getting help for yourself to recognize that this is abuse.

Maybe she has grown worse as she has aged and you are so close it is hard for you to recognize the ways in which she has grown worse. Sounds like she has become less conscious of her anger fits and is now allowing her physical expressions to be harmfully directed at you, thus you being hit by flying objects.

Maybe she was not like that before and this is a sign of digression in faculty. Your submissive role in the relationship is similar to that of an abused wife to an anger driven husband. Neither is healthy however her age means she may get worse fast and you may be in danger.

Under those circumstances and after seeking her doctors advise and therapy ( she needs anger management classes at minimum... which are usually free through county resources), by using her doctor and bringing in a therapist you may be able to deem her unsafe to herself and others.

Either way you cannot and should not continue down the current path. You have formed bad relationship habits by submitting to her but after all this time you should not try to confront her.

After her fit where she hit you she may become violent. You don’t need to live with having to fight back or defend yourself and hurting her. Then you will be in trouble.

Keeping your mouth shut to appease her is not the correct thing to do but getting outside assistance is the correct thing to do. Approach her doctor for a therapist referral. If she attacks you again you must either have her removed or remove yourself.

I personally would not sleep in the same house with her.

I am speaking from personal experience.

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Run as fast as you can -- away from her
by: Anonymous

I would agree. Drop her off at the curb and drive away, never look back.

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Get HER Out
by: Anonymous

Unless you are a masochist and subconsciously feel that you deserve sadistic treatment from your mom, get her the hell away from you before it's too late! Are you her prisoner and her slave?

Dump her off at the mental institution and walk away before she hurts you, which is probably what she would like to do because she sounds demented to me. You don't have to be dehumanized just because she is your mother.

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