Mum Stuck in Depression Anxiety Rut

by Melanie
(Melbourne au)

I'm fine at the moment but the problem is starting to affect my work and sleep.


My mother has been living independently since dad died 22 years ago. She's 84 and has no major physical difficulties.

About three years ago she developed very suddenly severe morning anxiety and depression. She wakes shaking and crying every morning. She's seen numerous psychiatrists, had several spells in psych units, and tried every anti depressant in the book. Nothing helps.

Two of my siblings talked her into selling her home a year ago without thoroughly investigating her financial options. She wanted to move into a "Lifestyle" over 55's place. After the house was sold she discovered that she couldn't afford it!!

No she's living in a small apartment that makes her miserable.

The problem is that she refuses to acknowledge that she can't live alone. All her doctors and psychs have agreed she needs company.

She refuses to use a walking frame and falls over, she refuses appropriate hearing aids so she's miserable that she can't hear. She refuses to use a community bus because "that's for old people"

I can't care for her at home long term because my place is small with an upstairs bathroom and no spare bedroom and I work full time and have two kids.

She won't live in the country with my sister because it's boring.

So..I've found her an independent living apartment that is attached to a large modern low care facility, with help if she needs it. It has a garden..a swimming pool, library..all facilities and with the option to upgrade when she needs it.. she says its too small..

After she comes out of the hospital where she is undergoing TMS she CAN'T return to living alone..it's not safe as she gets wobbly and can't get to the shops...she says going to such an aged care place as I have found will make her more depressed.. Gaahh

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