by Metra

Caregiving for my 78 year old mother. She put herself in poor health by not eating properly, smoked like a chimney and is a hoarder. As a child she was not a nurturing mother and at times was abusive. I forgave her and kept connected to her by including her in family events with my children and husband.

Spent quality time with her because in spite of her negative behavior I have always loved my mother. Well let’s fast forward to today. She is verbally abusive, contrary to care, has no empathy and tries to treat me like her servant. I must constantly establish boundaries with her.

Her care plan is as follows: medications in the morning, blood pressure and blood glucose monitoring eye drops then breakfast. Med before meal eye drops then lunch. Med before dinner eye drops then dinner. At bedtime 50 units of insulin. Next day wash rinse repeat.

Mind you while doing all of this for her I am haunted by the resentment I feel because of her abusive nature. In between caregiving must sort and move her hoard.

At some point I will make other arrangements because providing care at this level is not sustainable. Am I angry? Yes. I have an undeserving and unappreciative parent. ✨

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hang in there
by: Angreenacresonymous

Try to put yourself in her shoes and that can make you more understanding. Think of her fears too. She is the only mom you will ever have. Resentment comes and goes, please don't let guilt get to you.

This is an invasion on your life too, you know.

As for the hoarding, can you get some help moving stuff out? Mom won't like it, but if you feel it is unhealthy, just do it. She'll get over it. Know that you are not alone and god bless you for the care you are giving.

I know the elderly can be mean, but they are scared and hurting. Besides, if she has been like this all your life, she won't change. Try to let it go. I am proud of you and people like you who take parental care of their parents. Let me just say it really sucks when they are gone.

Give yourself a BIG pat on the back and be careful not to go crazy! Been there, done that. My mom's constant presence drove me to punch a wall. How crazy is that?!!!

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