Mrs. R

by R
(Orange County)

My elderly mom and handicapped brother came to the states seven years ago. My older brother pays for their expenses but does not want to be bothered at all.

I am expected to help them with all their errands and their needs, doctors, pharmacy, shopping, and every thing that you require. I have lost my freedom for seven years now and when I want to go on vacation my mom is not happy and worried.

My brother and his family not willing to do anything at all. Never will they offer to do anything. i do not talk to them anymore as they treat themselves as the royal family and treat me as a maid. I do get paid some money to help them out but it makes me really upset that my brother crowned himself and his wife and daughter and gave this big responsibility on my shoulders.

My mom and brother have multiple medical problems and my brother mental problems. i also have a special need son and I feel very angry and depressed. Very unfair to have such an abnormal family.

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Time to stop allowing people to use you
by: Anonymous

Why on earth do we allow ourselves to do things for very little pay, or no pay, and allow our family member to see us as their personal slaves, emotional dumping ground, or indentured servants?

I am as guilty as this as you are but I am starting to wake up.

You can't allow someone to see you as someone to use unless you allow it. That's what they say and the more I think about it, I see it as true. Let's learn to draw terms, boundaries, and stop letting our families see us this way. We have to care for ourselves. Will they be there for you when you keel over from anger or exhaustion? No way.

I wish my wealthy brother would pay me to take care of our mother but I am struggling with how to ask him without severing the bond entirely. I was figuring when Mom needs a home, it will be his call or Mom gets nothing cause I sure couldn't do it.

I am struggling to find ways to pay my rent since Mom occupies 15-20 hours of my self employed work week. Heck, my brother would NEVER do what I do!

When my car died and I had no money to buy another, my parents gave me money (I asked to buy a car like new: only 2 years old) and so I got paid for the last 3 years that way. But Mom is getting to hoard her money because she sees she can't manipulate or control me like she used to and she enjoys "punishing" me this way.

My brother couldn't care less if I died from starvation or poverty or disease. I don't think my Narcissistic mother really cares either but only enough because she depends on me.

I pray every day that God will free me from this situation or pave the way for me to find my out. I wanted to help Mom in the beginning but I am sorry I opened up my life in this way now. I feel trapped and am very angry. I use to be so happy inside.

At least I found a psychotherapist for myself and that helps me a lot. I am trying to find my way home to myself and learn to say NO, NO, NO! So much of what we do is not our responsibility.
So much of our suffering is how we look at it, or what we allow.

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