Mrs D.S. Grundy

by Mrs D. Grundy
(England)

My mother has been suffering from Alzheimer's with Vascular Dementia for nearly 12 years now. She has been in a care home for 3 years now and needed constant support before that. I have a younger sister who cannot cope with the situation. My parents divorced 30 years ago.


I am married with a child and also work in several part time jobs to make ends meet. I am the only family member who regularly visits my Mum every week and am on the end of the phone for any emergencies. I feel quite trapped. I feel I am "the only one" to carry the can and all the overwhelming responsibility.

I have to constantly monitor the care home to make sure that she has a decent pillow (hers was old and lumpy), enough clothes (most of her skirts were shrunk in the wash and I wasn't told about this.) My family are kind but I can't burden them with this 24/7. The final straw to break the camel's back is that I now have to be responsible for finding yet more funds for the nursing home fees which means selling my mother's house which is rented out at the moment to help with the fees.

So we have not only lost our mother but also any small inheritance to help our families. I don't know how much longer I can bear the grief and my doctor and church are not giving me support in this - it has been going on so long and it is assumed I am strong and can cope,which I do but I have put on lots of weight, get easily depressed and often sleep badly.

I feel vaguely anxious most the time and overreact when tired at home - disaster. My Mum has always relied on me for emotional and other support and I feel angry, resentful, sad and guilty all in one bundle. I pray that she will go to be with Jesus soon but this may go on for years and years.

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