Mother's Healthcare

by M. Dianne
(Evansville, Ind-USA)

I must admit that I thought our situation was frustrating till I read about family members who do not communicate or get along. I can't imagine a family staying together if this is so. As Christians who were brought up by a wonderful Father and Mother, we are equipped to hold up in spite of our differences.

I am the oldest of 4 other siblings and I am the healthcare attendant due to my gift of good communication while my other brothers and sisters have other gifts to offer to this puzzle. But it doesn't go without saying that we are tired...sometimes exhausted, and we have to consider each others' health care as we are over 55 years and have a few health issues ourselves.

Running a tight ship is a process, but very important. The emotional stuff can be dealt with better if a schedule is kept with everyone doing their part.

There is financial help for those who can't afford help during the day, and private pay individuals who will stay with your parent all night at a better fee than those from larger agencies.

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Thank you & I Agree
by: Anonymous

I really appreciate your post - I wish that my family were more like yours, each person recognizing the strengths and the limitations of the others in the group and valuing open communication in order to facilitate the best use of each individual's 'gifts' as you call them.

In my family there is very little communication. I am familiar with a concept called 'triangulation' whereby family members use other members to deliver/collect information so that there is always a filter and someone is always caught in the middle with secrets, etc. that is the way it is in my family. I can tell you first hand that it is incredibly destructive to live in this way.

My grandfather is the one of us who currently needs help and care in order to get through the illness and age issues he is experiencing ... all of them will probably only grow more serious as time passes. It would be so helpful to him if the rest of us could 'get along' (and believe me, it would be helpful to me, too)... however that is very likely never going to happen. When there is a poison seed in the group it is almost impossible to fix.

I am currently the only caregiver in my grandfather's life, however the poison seed herself will soon be back on the scene full time after a three month absence. She is going to make these absences a routine thing, so i am really stuck.

For my own health (I had what I believe was a nervous breakdown in January from family stress), I wish that I could back out of the care of my grandfather and leave it to the poison seed to look after, however I know she will be leaving again. This keeps me trapped in a relationship with a very sick person while I am trying to do the best I can by my grandfather.

Anyway, I don't know if this has even made any sense, but I wanted to write to thank you for posting what I believe is good common sense and a loving approach to family care giving.

Communication and a willingness to compromise are SO important.. if those elements are missing the stress is unbearable.

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