Life-ing it with MOM.
Yes, I am angry that my siblings do not understand what it is like living with Mom. I feel many times Mother wants or expects too much out of me, dominating at first my time from the moment I woke to the moment she went to bed.
The amount of dominance Mom displays shows her controlling nature and defiance of that nature leads her to outbursts of tears. I'm Feeling like I am the teenager again while life-ing it with mom. I love my mom, but sometimes it's so frustrating living like a teenager with her.
I'm the one that had the lack of resources or true vocation to say no to helping care for mom, but although my other siblings asked me to help, they do not help with any financial gain. I have no retirement, no income, and to get another part time job would seem the logical idea but except for her behavior when I return home from being gone even for a half hour.
My circumstances have always left me just getting by since my separation 20 years ago from my children's father, not high paying but until recently I was able to support myself and my son, we lived nearest to mom, and when her eyesight failed she asked me to come stay with her and she knew my son lived with me.
We worked out the arrangements and I tried to set some arrangements as to what I'd be doing now and then. But the reality is, my mother must control her environment totally, even with her blindness; by her behavior toward my few friends she has made sure I don't have a life outside her home. Simply by making it miserable for me when I return home - if I went somewhere solely for my own benefit or that of a friend, but if an errand of hers was included then it wasn't so bad hearing about people taking advantage of my time.
I laugh right now at the irony of this. I speak in the past tense about friends, because one of my friends has passed away from cancer. The others are in the town where I used to live and too far to be involved with me on a regular basis.
She can maneuver just fine in her own environment with what little sight she has, even in the yard, but she's not really safe and I don't like leaving her alone, thus the back-up help from my son, if only his health wasn't a factor in his disability.
I'm not a stranger to helping elderly out, I've been a helper to senior citizens between my 2 marriages for over 30 years.
I feel that one of my brothers is overly
critical of my life here with my mom, my stuff is here, and he's angry that the house and yard is not a pristine spartan home anymore.
It's rained a lot and the yard wild flowers have grown and it's not buttered to the ground. And I mean spartan as in very little humanity to the home. As an example, Mom kept hitting the displayed family portraits in the hall, so we took them off the wall and he was very happy they were gone.
I said I was going to paint the hall when the weather got good, he told me he'd rather I didn't do it as he believes he'll do a better job. OOOO!
I used to paint and clean apartments for heavens Sake and I'm his older sister! He's a good man, single no children, although a go getter, a hard worker, a manager, but he has become an opinionated snob when it comes to my situation with mom.
Because really we're 3 people liven here with various disabilities that prevent us from being hard working, and the 2 of us don't want to be slaves to her will.
I've tried to find a way that I could have an income while being here at home, even trying to find a way to be paid to doing this, but she won't share her financial information, and living on her 1600 a month is not fair that she has to share that with us, I applied and receive some state aid.
Thank God there is not a mortgage, I have not found any work on the computer that is legitimate and I'm not "Living off of MOM" nor taking advantage of her deliberately, she asked me to live here, and we discussed it and I agreed. Yes, these are things that someone accused me of once.
There are natural expenses in a home when there is more than one person living in it, and I feel that I've obsessed about my brother's attitude. I have no skills at telling him that it's difficult to live with her, and that she is so controlling she will tell you how to eat your food, how to use her septic toilet right, even how to groom yourself, even though you've known how since she taught you in the first place!
And for over 20 years We've known how to treat the house since they built the place!
Ah my Mom. The way she is is, she will not accept outsiders in her home, she doesn't allow people in! because she thinks they'll steal from her if they are here, so she is definitely not someone who can have a paid assisted living stranger in her home.
And that's my life to date, Happy Mother's day.