Mother Mad at me Because She's Terminal and Someone has got to Pay for it!!!
My Moms a narcissistic lunatic!
She has been diagnosed with Stage 4 Breast Cancer and is approaching the final stages of the battle she has been fighting for 23 months! However due to her denial about the cancer, she just realized about 3-4 weeks ago that she isn't going to get out of this like she was planning!
I had no idea she really thought she would beat this because she was stage four inoperable with metastasized cancer at her initial diagnosis! I was absolutely blown away when about 3-4 weeks ago I was just sitting there talking with mom and out of the blue she pulls out her latest medical documents and pointing at it says to me "Michelle, did you know that I have terminal cancer and I will Die from it?"
My initial thought of what kinda joke is she pulling huh??? Replying with "WTF" was fortunately replaced by a calmness that had swept over me as I opened my mouth "mom, you've been fighting your battle for 22 months now; did you just find out that it is Terminal Breast Cancer your Fighting?"
She was ABSOLUTELY SHOCKED and Exclaimed "Well Yes! all this time I just knew I would be beating the odds in fact it hasn't even crossed my mind that I would lose the battle & now they told me that I am going to die & they wrote it on 22 of these pages" - "Why would they do that?"
Upset and surprised I tried comforting her and she goes on with how shocked she is that she has cancer and no wonder they treat her like shes dying! She is dying! Then she got angry and started screaming and yelling at me and I have no clue what I had done!
Basically its been 3-4 weeks now and for some reason my mom has decided that it is all my fault that she has breast cancer and is terminal..... SHE HAS never liked me, I've always known that because compared to my Younger Brothers the relationship is totally different and it's literally been years since even let it bother me!
I dealt with it all my life! So when I finally had a child 7 years ago I decided to let it go, to give it to God! So I did.... However, taking the Cancer out on me as though I had anything to do with her having breast cancer is the cruelest decision that crazy woman has pulled and unfortunately its opening up 42 years of her "horrible parenting" memories based on decisions that have effectively disturbed me all my life! It's extremely difficult to keep the horrors buried when its currently my hell!
I'm shocked by her denial and now her choice to make sure that everyone in our entire family is thinking terrible things about me that simply aren't true but How do I say that my dying mother is lying through her teeth and not look like I'm guilty of her rants and ramblings or a bitch for denying her allocations and she is full of shit?
She is telling people that I am stealing her medicine and her money when I have actually been forking hundreds and hundreds over to her in the last two years and fully intended on paying for her final expenses and services! It's extremely hard to find a personal memory that doesn't involve her horrible behavior because of the current horrible choice to "Hate & Blame" me because she's dying!
What the hell do I do? I don't want the family to possibly believe her lies but have no desire to lower myself to the he said she said games that she is so desperately brutalized me with all my life!
Her family is my family and unfortunately she is so convincing with her stories and drama that she is believable however I think that is because she might have told herself this to the point that she believes it now! Is that even possible?
The things she is saying that I have been doing, are so terrible but I am kinda starting to think that since she has come up with these things that maybe she is capable of doing them and that's why she has decided to claim that I am that way!
Is it guilty conscience that would cause you to claim your own daughter is a drug stealing thief that will rob you blind? When in reality she is innocent and has no idea that I am aware of this behavior and I have seriously been thinking about cutting her off, or confronting her!
However, the day she talked to me about dying, she freaked out and started screaming at me and I tried to leave and get to my car and she grabbed my hair and pulled me back in the house and I just kept saying "mom, please take your hands off of me; there is no reason to be physical and if you don't take your hands off of me I will be forced to realize that you are needing help here! Do you want help? What do I do to make you take your hands off of me?"
She released me then hauled off and punched the wall twice?
What was that women thinking?
the hell did it turn to that?
How do I turn my back on this issue?
How do I deal with craziness?
She was like a child!
Afterwards I ended up comforting her for approximately 3-4 hours until she was asleep! Due to the MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF MORPHINE she takes she doesn't remember that I stayed with her! She doesn't remember talking to me every single day during that week!
Then I found out she has been calling everyone who will listen and telling them that I have been stealing her medicine and taking her bill money! When in reality she cost me around $1600 that month alone!
Every month I have spent between $250-1600 on my mom! However I'm not about to go around telling people that I am spending money on mom and I don't want to get involved with the drama but do I continue to fork over the cash knowing that she is shit talking me?
The medicine accusations are so preposterous that I am totally offended that she would even suggest such bullshit is flabbergasting in itself! However I don't doubt that people have taken medicine from cancer patients and she definitely has been so loaded that she has been unable to remember anything that occurs daily!
She has been treating this cancer as a free for all to get herself fucked up! I definitely don't want my children to see her drooling on herself and pissing her pants! Nor do I want my family to believe that I am capable of stealing from a dying woman!
What the hell do I do?
A few months back my brother and I were chatting about mom and preparing for her to single someone that doesn't deserve it out during the end of her cancer battle!
We really thought it would be one of the grandchildren and I guess since we already planned for her to behave badly and blame someone else and basically do this; I am glad to be the one that has to endure this rather than my nephew because he has a real chance to handle this in a healthy manner!
I also realize that when she is gone I will be able to get my mind to the healthy place it needs to be! However, it's really hard to know that my own mother has decided to take her dysfunctional behavior all the way to the death bed and I can't help but remember all the bad parenting decisions she has made over the course of my 42 years!
Why would she decide to lie so blatantly about me to the very end of her life?
I totally think that she must really hate my guts and I must have really ruined her life in order for her to treat me like this over and over and over again!
Years ago, her youngest sister came to me and thanked me for being born because ever since my mom had me to pick on she has left her alone! She said she was sorry about the fact that she felt relieved that I was abused instead of her!
How sad is that???
No one stands up to her, well I do and that is why I am enemy number one probably!
How do I proceed with my mom dying? Do I allow that behavior and just feel happy that its me and no one else?
Do I defend myself when being whispered about?
Do I continue to fork over the cash and prey my husband never hears about her claims of me stealing drugs and money because I am ashamed for her?
Do I confide in my husband and confess that she is lying about me and I could really use his support right now? I'm terrified of how he will react when and if he finds out about how dysfunctional we are! I'm stressed that he will wonder if crazy is in the blood and I will be automatically crazy forever over this!
I have spent more time trying to understand this bad behavior in order to be healthy, it's been my number one priority to be opposite of my mom so to wear the cruelest crazy label now is just unfair!
I decided long long long ago that the abuse stops here with me; never at any point would abuse and bad parenting traits be passed along for the next generation to endure!
My brother and I have been excellent at making damn sure that the children never never never find out what it's like to be abused!!! (mom claims to be a good parent and has pretended that she had never been abusive and has never claimed responsibility for any of her own mistakes regarding her parenting and her choice to allow her men to abuse us!)
Do I turn my back and walk away from my mother at the end of her life! I'd destroy her if I were to confront her I believe!
Is hatred for me keeping her alive right now!
I do want to tell her that she is hurting me and I'd love to make her stop and think about how she is putting me through hell and thanks to this episode I'll remember all the bad parenting she has been making me endure for 42 years!