Mother in Law is Being Really Difficult

by Shelley
(Redway, California, USA)

She moved to the west coast so that we could take care of her. She is 87. She has rapidly had her dementia go down hill and she is escalating and accusing my husband and I of confusing her and she is having many many hallucinations.

Her room is often filled with people that she sees. Its Okay but I am having a hard time dealing with her accusing me of confusing her and of making her do things she doesn't want to do.

She recently told her friend that we told her she is dying. One day she seems relatively fine and the next day she can't talk or feed herself.

I got frustrated with her this afternoon and my husband accused me of escalating, which I don't feel I was, but her lashing out at either one of us is frustrating. I have been so kind and careful with her to make her transition here smooth. She is angry at her situation I think, but now my husband is ganging up on me too.

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Same boat as you !
by: Anonymous

I really feel for you !! I'm basically in the same boat as you were in ... hopefully your out of it now !! My mother in law has always been kind to me ...but not so much now ... she has made sure I understand a lot of things !

She was very angry as she told me things ... of how it's going to be ! I'm a daughter in law not a daughter ! Well I don't tell my husband what she says but I'm st my wits end now . Should I let him know just how mean she has gotten ?

I feel as if I do it'll cause way more problems between us ! Like I've already started to disconnect with him because if the things she says to ME ! How to I handle this situation ? HELP !!! I guess this is more of a question than a answer sorry !!

This was so True in my Case. . . .
by: Anonymous

I VOLUNTEERED to care for my mother in law. My parents died when I was in my early 20's - I didn't have a CLUE what I was volunteering for.

She has been with us 7 years. First half was okay - she was independent. But, her health failed and now she is angry and hateful (she had a stroke in Dec.) She takes everything out on me.

It took a while before my hubby SAW his mother abuse me. But now he is a believer. Thankfully, he loves me and does not expect me to continue to be her doormat.

We have found a lovely Asst. Living facility and we interview on Wed. We are holding our breath that she is accepted. I can no longer be her 24/7 care giver.

Why Don't you Take a Vacation?
by: Anonymous

Let him take care of his mother on his own for a while? You could go and visit your parents if they are living, or perhaps go and visit your children. Just get out and let him or one of his siblings take care of THEIR OWN mother.

I have noticed that the daughter in law is often regarded as the one who is supposed to take on the care of her husband's mother or father, but the husband is never expected to do the same.

Does your husband have any siblings, male or female, who should be sharing the care for THEIR OWN mother? You are not their family nurse (aka slave). I keep reading and hearing about women who are put into the position of the familial servant/caregiver because of gender, even if the person who needs care is not related to them.

Too often it's a case of power. The woman/caregiver/slave doesn't have financial equity in the relationship and is therefore conscripted into unpaid service. Good luck.

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