Mother Expresses Silent Anger and Resentment Towards Me!
I am not angry or resentful about caring for my mother. However, Mother seems angry and resentful that I am the one caring for her. Both of my siblings are deceased. Mom had a stroke a year after sister's death, and then my brother passed away a few years ago.
She wants to live on her own, but doesn't need to; her mobility and speech were affected by the stroke-speech more than mobility.
There are a couple of issues which caused two-way hurt between us. I have not been forgiven, and learning how to keep going in spite of it; though it is quite challenging.
As of this day, we have not spoken beyond, "Good Morning" for a few days, and that was from my mouth. I've continued preparing and serving her food and medications. She won't eat until she is really hungry, and even then it's like she would rather anyone else provide this service. She can do other necessary things for herself.
I just never imagined, from the way I grew up in my family, that we would be here. She is cordial with others outside of home; people just love her. Then she goes like a blank screen when it's just the two of us. I've felt unloved, unappreciated, and somewhat used. Sometimes she seems quite aware of what she is/isn't doing which doesn't help matters.
Currently, she is just non responsive. In the past, she has, very clearly, expressed herself, especially when I had my nephew come to "witness" her behavior.
Unfortunately, I have verbally expressed my thoughts while highly emotional.
I'm sad and hurt due to the lack of communication with this person who brought me into the world. I am the youngest offspring.
I think of God loving all the people of the world, and yet there are plenty who reject His love. Jesus was rejected by His own relatives. Who am I? It hurts, nonetheless. I pray to grow through the situation in order to be able to help others who are sure to find themselves on a similar path. I refuse to suffer this hurt in vain!
I've told Mother, she may outlive me as well, I hate to think that the end for one of us would come with this canyon between us.