Mother Expresses Silent Anger and Resentment Towards Me!

I am not angry or resentful about caring for my mother. However, Mother seems angry and resentful that I am the one caring for her. Both of my siblings are deceased. Mom had a stroke a year after sister's death, and then my brother passed away a few years ago.

She wants to live on her own, but doesn't need to; her mobility and speech were affected by the stroke-speech more than mobility.

There are a couple of issues which caused two-way hurt between us. I have not been forgiven, and learning how to keep going in spite of it; though it is quite challenging.

As of this day, we have not spoken beyond, "Good Morning" for a few days, and that was from my mouth. I've continued preparing and serving her food and medications. She won't eat until she is really hungry, and even then it's like she would rather anyone else provide this service. She can do other necessary things for herself.

I just never imagined, from the way I grew up in my family, that we would be here. She is cordial with others outside of home; people just love her. Then she goes like a blank screen when it's just the two of us. I've felt unloved, unappreciated, and somewhat used. Sometimes she seems quite aware of what she is/isn't doing which doesn't help matters.

Currently, she is just non responsive. In the past, she has, very clearly, expressed herself, especially when I had my nephew come to "witness" her behavior.
Unfortunately, I have verbally expressed my thoughts while highly emotional.

I'm sad and hurt due to the lack of communication with this person who brought me into the world. I am the youngest offspring.

I think of God loving all the people of the world, and yet there are plenty who reject His love. Jesus was rejected by His own relatives. Who am I? It hurts, nonetheless. I pray to grow through the situation in order to be able to help others who are sure to find themselves on a similar path. I refuse to suffer this hurt in vain!

I've told Mother, she may outlive me as well, I hate to think that the end for one of us would come with this canyon between us.

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burnt to ashes
by: helena

Reading through many stories tonight I fully understand the anger, frustration and pain it is like a prison sentence that we are caught up in.

Looking after a parent that is{the actress} able to communicate and can talk and express with outsiders but refuses to give any emotional projection to the child who in most cases has been drawn into there emotional trap and sacrificed our quality of life initially to help them, believing we were doing the right thing for our parent.

{and not expecting it to turn into a long term disaster)But unfortunately we become there prisoner,originally we cared and thought it was the decent thing to help them. I deal with this on a daily basis and yes it is the most tormenting,depressing and emotionally draining experience.

I know we beat ourselves up because we feel so bad at the resentment that we feel,I have tried many things to bring out love and communication with my mother but at the end of the day it just adds more frustration to my emotions.I have suffered her silent abuse for almost 5 years.

I no longer feel bad for how she has made me feel.I don't have love or respect for her,she has destroyed that all by her self and even though I often feel burnt out at the end of the day I know I have done the right thing for her.

So here I am writing on this wonderful site where we can express our feeling and at least have an outlet to vent our daily torture.

Hang in there and know you are a good hearted person if you didn't have love,warmth and compassion you wouldn't be feeling the pain and agony so lets just send love and hope to each other.

I understand....
by: Anonymous

I understand what you mean not letting anger get the best of the situation. I work full time, am married and have my house to keep and feed and I assist my 86 year old mother evenings. My father is more than capable of taking care of himself.

Once again for the umpteenth time she proceeded to feed her dog food I made for her. I like her dog but my money and time is not for feeding a creature perfectly happy eating dog food.

I asked her to just not feed him while I was there but she ignored me again and a unkindly asked her if she were senile. I feel terrible and tried to apologize but she is rightfully angry with me. My mother is not unlike the mother who will not talk to her mother. I think fate will be similar.

I love her so very much but I need to learn to accept what will be and to distance myself from certain things. I am learning and there will not be a repeat of my outburst. Thank you all for letting me write and for understanding

Overcoming the anger
by: Anonymous

My heart goes out to you. My mother is very unstable. I don't know what she will be like when I see her. Hurt, depressed, defiant, needy, drama queen...who knows?

She undoes everything I do for her. I am trying to be loving but a lot of times I just take care of myself by distancing myself emotionally. It takes a lot of restraint not to lash back. I am getting better at it. Try to love back. Say you are sorry she feels ....maybe give her a hug, even if she tries to shrug you off.

Christ may have been rejected even by some of his relatives but he never stopped loving others. I think if we learn that we can say all of our efforts of caring and getting treated badly in return could still be called valuable.

No one can take away the love you have. It does seem very hard to find at times!! Believe me! I am no angel, but I am trying to figure out what I can experience and then let go of. Experiencing the unpleasant things that your mother cannot control. Don't ever be accusing or defensive, that makes it worse.

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