Mood Swings and Pouting

by Rebecca
(Florida USA)

It is hard to get up and spend time with my Father. He came to live with us in January of this year.

My Husband is GREAT!!!! at helping out.

Dad is not completely unable to take care of himself. When he came to us he couldn't get out of bed much less do the things he can now. So he is improving. He can't drive and they took his D.L. he is widowed from my Step Mother and his x wife the one who caused a lot of his financial woes is still calling daily putting ideas in his head.

Long story.. I get aggravated at my Father who lives in this small house with us and I and my Husband do everything we can to make his life more enjoyable which a lot of the time Dad appreciates. But when he gets in these mood swings and gets his feelings hurt because one of us will tell him like it is. (Dad has a very smart snappy attitude) a lot of the time. We think his medications mess with his head, a lot to. He is a lot and has to remember to take them 3x a day which I give to him.

He has lived in OHIO his entire life and never liked going anywhere other than work when he was young. So having to come to live with Me in Florida was not easy for him or I. I never got to spend a lot of time with him when I was young. He and my Mom divorced when I was 7 however we did stay in touch.

The siblings do not want anything at all to do with him. Other than a few phone calls now and then and they refuse to help him get his life back like help him run errands and such so he could be a bit more independent.

I think Dad resents that fact, and feels he has to stay here. I have told him he can go home any time he wishes. As long as he has a caregiver living with him.

But the mood swings he has now.. are driving me nuts. I don't know what mood he is going to be in each time he comes out of his room. The comments he makes sometimes are completely off the wall. He has trouble some days knowing what day it is, and I wonder if it is the beginning of dementia or if its his pills.

I have spoken to his doctor but at this point Dad seems fine when ever he goes in to see the doc. You see he can turn on when ever he likes it seems. When he wants to do it he can. Another source of aggravation to me.

He plays like he can't move when he wants you to wait on him. It's hard to tell when he is having a bad physical day cause of these things.

It has started to wear on my nerves. I try to avoid having to be around him during the day unless he needs something. I try to sit with him and chat and some days it goes well others i can tell OH NO I need to back off he 's in one of his moods again. Again another story.

It is getting more and more difficult to deal with. He wishes to run off like a child and starts making phone calls to siblings and his so called (friends) he thinks he has(Another story) yapping about he wants to come home. Let me say this he is paying for a home in OHIO and allowing strangers to live in it for FREE. He is not a wealthy man.. I tried to persuade him otherwise but siblings again no help here. Let him do what ever he wishes.. and I try to allow him to have full reign of how he spends his money and try to guide him but do not have the power to force him otherwise.

I feel helpless, and find myself depressed a lot. Confused on how to deal with him.

It's complaints about me, my attitude... LOL omg I try so hard to be pleasant but the snide remarks he makes some days I just have to walk away.

Complains about food, yet he refuses a lot of the time to make himself anything to eat if I don't go get it and make it for him. It is usually petty things cause I ask him what he wants and how he wants it and if it is not just right I hear ITS DRY ITS THIS OR ITS THAT. I WANT TO SCREAM but I don't... I hold it in and whine to my husband whom is a saint and I am sure tired of all the complaints as well.

What do you do to handle these things? Dad can't go home no one there to care for him, He cant drive he can't afford help, He has to have someone pay his bills and do his shopping. He lives in the country in OHIO far from town. It's just what it is now. He has to stay here or go home and be alone if he can move them out of his house that is. ANOTHER STORY may not be so easy.

Lord oh mighty I ask myself sometime what did I get myself into. BTW I am 50 yrs old Dad is 75 and my husband works full time.

This house is small only 2 bedrooms. It's hard to be alone and when we go somewhere it ends up being a hashing and talking about the stuff going on here. Not relaxing at all.

Any suggestions?
Another thing I think My Dad is jealous of my Mom who is remarried and cared for us all her life has been remarried for 35 yrs. Dad is the one who screwed up and I think he resents it. .. every time he see's her and my step dad together.

Mom and Step Dad live in their own home and have a Ministry on the radio and prison as well. I think he resents that.. and is jealous to no end.

Mom lives here in town and visits me and Dad along with my Step dad. Dad seems okay at the time but then after wards most of the time he gets into his moods.

I can see now I am going to have to put a stop to these visitations as i don't think they help him at all.

In fact Dad takes his days where he changes his whole countenance and talks bad about my MOM and my GRANDPARENTS who took care of me and my brother all our lives. I think he realizes he screwed up. Resents that to.

Please don't tell me to talk to him about it. It's hard to do that.. seems to make him worse.

I know one thing I need a vacation. Can't afford one but sure do need one.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Rebecca

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90 year old mother, persecutor
by: Anonymous

I'm in the opposite situation,
Living with mother 90, and constantly being told what to do, what I think, and why I should feel.

I express a feeling or thought and told no, not true, even facts are denied, I'm 53.

She tells me I am sick, she discusses my life with everyone, but she tells them how it is.
I ask her to not say such things, they aren't you true, or maybe I felt like that three days ago but it's not mow.

Stop talking about me, and stop involving my sister, please stop taking to her about me. Stop discussion me. I can't handle being described to everyone.

She and my step sister bullied me I to see doctors, then tell the doctor. My 90 year old mother.

I am so tired. I visit and get trapped in her presence. I had life to she and my sister overrode my self respect. I I had a bully of a partner, another man perusing me, I was in utter turmoil.
She And sister telling me what I felt was wrong, I felt persecuted, stalked, I was not allowed to see a therapist.

All my mother, she has denied my career, my feelings, 'you didn't do that.....' 'I never saw you do that job..... ' so wasn't there how could she see it, and my sister just stands by and snickers... It suits her to not counter the denials yet she knows the truth. Her partner similarly gangs up. I'm the daughter from my mother's second marriage.
Karin has resented me since I was born.

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Same boat here...sinking quickly
by: Barbara

I feel terrible for you because I'm in the same mess. I don't know where to turn for help. I can't change her, but I need someone to give me pointers in how I can cope with her moods, LOUD TV, and constant pouting.

I can't just shrug it off. It's causing stomach problems, my blood pressure going up and I'm just miserable. HELP!

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Holy Cow
by: Anonymous

Just ran across your post because my dad was in one of his moods today, on Christmas. Thankfully I got off the phone with him as quickly as I could. I feel sorry for his wife(the third).

There is no way I could let me Dad live with us. He is in his early 70s and in pretty good health. He was in the Navy and if he needs to ever go somewhere I will do my best to get him in a VA facility.

I have dealt with some type of emotional stress with both of my parents as long as I can remember. There is no telling how my time I have spent trying to help them straighten out their lives.

I am curious how you are now? Please tell me that your Dad is not living with you.

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Good Website
by: Anonymous

It is a nice and informative website. I see people are doing very nice and valuable discussions here in the comments section.

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Silent treatment works for me.
by: Anonymous

Do not respond verbally or physically to anything negative he says or that is out of bounds. Literally treat him like he is invisible.

Don't yell, don't give him a look, don't roll your eyes, don't sigh. It is essential you give him no physical cues that his remarks land or have affected you in any way.

Just continue to eat your dinner and speak to someone else at the table in a normal voice about a topic that does not involve him.

I like to think of it as a penalty box, choose a time for it to expire like 1 day then resume normal communication without a big speech until the next time he does it.

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HELP
by: Anonymous

I have the same problem with my mother....she lives with my family and she is hard to get along with. When things do not go her way we are every name in the book.

My so called brothers will not help they rather her money. She think if she says certain things my husband will leave. She is good for a couple of days and then BOOM!!!. She is wearing on my nerves. She has no where to go but I am getting so tired!!

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Thanks for Adding the Comment
by: Rebecca

I know we all here understand one another. If you have never cared for a elderly parent you do not understand the frustration.

It's been months since I wrote the first comment. Things have changed a bit but still hard to deal with. Dad consumes our lives. I know we have a choice as to what we talk about when we are alone, but it is the only time we can converse without thinking he will hear us.

He is still wasting money, the cost of living here is gone up and the finances are down. It hard to make ends meet. Something has to be done. He is going to have to face reality.

Says he is going home in the spring, yet people still live in his house and he can't drive and his condition is reversing his own doing I think. He refuses to follow his diet.

Yet he wastes $1,500.00 per month on a place up north he is never going to even make a dent in cause it is refinanced and its outrageous for a 75 yr old house.

He needs to come to grips with the fact that he needs to let it go or arrange for someone to come live with him. The people in his house are not paying rent they have the utilities in their name and that is it. Told him if he comes there they will leave. LOL right

They would to because after a while no one would put up with my Dad especially family. Just know it. He knows he has it made here but won't face it.

Keeps living in a fantasy world. Can't get him out of the house only to go to church or doctor is the only place he will go.

Demanding, controlling with his emotions, tries to get my husband some days to leave me. Don't know the reasoning behind that other than perhaps he thinks if he leaves me I will move back to OHIO and take care of him. NOT TRUE and he knows it I have told him so.

Thank God my husband thinks he's nuts and has told him WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?
Leave her? its usually over something so dumb it is beyond my control.

I can't go poop without him wondering where I am. Why I left the room, why I won't sit across the table from him and stare at him in the face. Till he is ready to retreat to his room.

Heaven help us if I turn on a station on TV or the radio he does not like. I usually keep the music low enough to be respectful even though it is my home.
He on the other hand is maddening with his TV and music. IT IS SO LOUD you could hear it a mile away. NO sitting in the LIVING ROOM and watching the big TV cause you couldn't hear it if you wanted to SCREAMMMMMMMMMMMMM!

He is two feet from his TV in his room a large flat screen with Surround sound. Same C.D.s over and over and over and over and over OMG HELP me.. I want to run screaming from this house.

Yet I try to keep the peace.I stay in my bedroom listening to my music usually thru headphones to drown out his music. I go outside and for walks or drives. I SO NEED A VACATION from here.

But like I said the money is so tight we barely make the bills and so I have to remain in this HELL i allowed.
I so need a break.. Lord help me. HOW DID I GET INTO THIS MESS

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Twin Souls
by: Anonymous

Wow, your life sounds like mine with the exception that you are living with your father. I am living my father-in-law. Hmmm! They could be twins. What a scary thought.

My father-in-law was the stress-or that caused me to get a life coach. Let me tell you, if you can afford it, go to one. You will see that you are being manipulated. Funny thing though, I knew it, but couldn't put it into words.

Ahhh, let's see. I should be using Crisco to fry eggs instead of oleo because the edges don't burn. I have to heat syrup for pancakes because no one eats pancakes with cold syrup. My apple crisp needs to have just golden delicious apples because they are the best, but my apple crisp is too dry, and yet the little shot wants me to make on a 98 degree summer day. If someone brings food over for us to eat, he asks if they are clean.

He is always cold so the heat is on to 76 degrees. In the summer, we have to turn the AC off or down because he is freezing. My electric bill has doubled since he moved in because apparently not only is he cold, our T.V. in the living room has better reception than the T.V. in his room which by-the-way is across the hall from ours. And oh yes, he is up at 6 a.m., and goes to bed at 11:00 a.m. So conversation of a sensitive and private nature with my husband, forget it.

How is intimacy? I bet it sucks. We have none.

I feel for you. Boy do I. My mother is dying, and I cannot see her because there is no one to watch him. There is help. We are just on top of it all of the time, and we cannot see things objectively. Check and see if social services can help you. I am talking to them tomorrow.

Here is another hint I learned. The doctors and nurses aren't stupid, they know what is going on. Just pull one to the side and give them a heads up if things get out of hand and watch what happens.

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