Mom's Recent Fall

by anonymous

I have been trying to get my siblings to see how much danger Mom is in living by herself! They refuse, choose, not to see, my brother especially.

I requested her doctor have a family conference so he could tell them where she is with her dementia, what the dangers of living alone are, and what to expect. My sister didn't come, and my brother still, after three months, is in denial of her situation.

The doctor was ready and willing to say that Mom needs to be in a facility, but since we have help coming in(which is not working out so great), he said for now,it is okay. Not what I wanted to hear, but......

My mother never moves, doesn't eat much and rarely drinks unless forced to. She is very,very weak and unsteady. Mom fell a few months ago and broke her wrist in two places and did something to her tendon.

She is beginning to have trouble dialing the phone and has episodes of not making sense when she speaks. Someone needs to sit with her so she will eat. She can do little for herself.

Christmas night, she was at my brother's house and fell in the bathroom. She had to be escorted to the bathroom and someone waited outside for her to escort her back. She is not supposed to have any alcohol, but they let her have two small Brandy Alexander's. UGH!

She fell onto and possibly into the bathtub and was unconscious for a second. She, of course, does not know what happened. The kicker here is, my brother did
not take her to the ER - he said he called her doctor , but he was not there - DUH! It was Christmas night!!! Anyone else would have taken her right then and there!! She probably said she was okay. He gives in to her all the time!

Anyway, he waited until Friday morning to take her because her eye was swollen shut and she was bruised. I saw her by accident on Saturday! No one was going to tell me!

Mom was very lucky - very lucky that this happened at my brother's and not when she was alone. She is very lucky that she was not seriously injured this time.

Next time she might not be so lucky. What is it going to take for my brother to see how dangerous it is for Mom to live alone? Sure, she could just as easily fall in a facility, but there would be someone there to help her.

Mom doesn't think there is anything wrong with her at all except that she's old. She's not that old - 78- she is at level 5 or 6 vascular dementia!!

I am angry and resentful that my brother will not do what my Mom needs. He caters to her every want. Her safety and well being have to come first!!

I am angry that I had to threaten him by saying I would step back entirely if he didn't help more, or get some help. Then he would have to it all. He has stepped up a little, but his denial is hurting my Mom in the long run.

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Must be Deja Vu
by: Anonymous

I saw the same thing you are talking about happen on my paternal grandmother's side of my family.

Her only son was in denial about his mother's deteriorating ability to care for herself, while she was still being enabled to live in her large house up to three years after her husband died.

Her son was made the Trustee of her affairs, and thought that he was just going to pocket an easy $1200 of her money a month for essentially doing nothing for her.

One afternoon, 81 year old granny was out walking alone and fell on the front steps of her house. She banged up her head pretty good, and no one found out about it until the next day. When her son the Trustee was notified, all he did was make excuses as to NOT take her to the hospital.

After this incident, his sister resumed the capacity of Trustee and got her mom placed into assisted living. He was put out about it and acted like an ass. So on and so forth!

Step Back Then
by: Anonymous

Mean what you say and do it. Step back. Let your brother handle everything. He will be liable.

Mind Slipping
by: Anonymous

I was at Mom's yesterday - New Years Day. I had to call the maintenance man to fix her heat again.

I fixed her lunch, sat with while she ate the little bit that she did and we talked. The whole time the heat guy was there, she was asking who was here, why is that man here, did I have lunch?

When I opened the door she was laying on her bed - not reading - not watching television, just laying there. She has been a voracious reader until the last month or so.

I fear for her - she is not safe living alone. What is is going to take for my pig headed brother to see this?

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