Mom Only Wants MY Help

I have started to do more and more for my 87 year old mother. She lives in an independent living senior facility and hasn't driven for years. I do her shopping, run errands, wash her clothes, and take her to all her doctor appointments tests, scans, etc. all while working full time.


Since I miss work to take her to all these appointments, I have started going in early and staying late to make sure I get all my work done and stay fearful that they will say something which thankfully hasn't happened yet. I am emotionally exhausted and don't want to lose my job as I am also helping her financially.

My problem is that although my mom is very appreciative she does not want anyone else helping her but me.

I checked into services that will take her to her appointments but she doesn't want "strangers" taking care of her. This gives me a huge amount of guilt for passing my sweet mother off to "strangers". How do I explain to her that I have to have some help without sounding like I don't like taking care of her.

I have always tried to not let her know what a strain this puts on me and so I think I have made things worse for myself for making it look so easy. Anyone else have luck with getting a loved one to agree to someone else taking them to appointments?

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What I did
by: Tammy

I work full time and am the only one to take care of my dad. He gets anxious if it's not me. HOWEVER, I couldn't do it all by myself. I was losing it.

I hired a caregiver and told him she was a friend of mine. He didn't like it when I said she was there to help out. He said, "I don't need somebody to take care of me!"

As lovingly as I could, I said, "Daddy, "I" need someone to help. That way, he saw that HE was helping ME by allowing her to come by.

We have to preserve their dignity, but also have to care for yourself.

Now my dad is in later stages of dementia and she has moved into the backyard (in an RV).
It has worked beautifully and I don't have to worry at work that something is going to happen to him.

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