Mom is Liar and an Emotional User

by Barb
(Canada)

My mother refuses to go to nursing home, my sister and I are both not well.


I live in another town, and visit my mom for a week every month, plus we are both financially poor. My mom lives at home with my step dad, who has dementia and he has nothing to do with my mom. He is always angry with her and spends all his time in the basement, or out for coffee.

He is a whole other story, the thing is he does not care for my mother.

For the last 10 years my mom has been dealing with renal failure, she is 93, and the disease has caught with her, last year she fell and broke her hip. She would not stay in rehabilitation center, hence she healed poorly and is in constant pain and wobbles all over the place.

She has fallen several times, now has COPD and is on oxygen and she is forgetful. She leaves pots on the stove until they burn and house is full of smoke.

Step dad smokes, in a garage that is full of gas fumes and a large oxygen tank is just on the other side of wall.

She insists helping the home care staff with cooking and then she can't eat because she is short of breath. She had been in hospital twice in last three weeks and now weights 96 lbs.

She lies and thinks it is funny that she burns things or falls. She told my sister that she did not want to go home,and would consider nursing home in another town close by until one became available in her town.

So the Doctor came by to discuss this and my mother, told him my sister was trying to force her into a home, was crying and wants to go home to be with her husband.

Well, this had been going on for the last two years, she cries and complains, but will not let us help. My sister lost it in the hospital room, was told she was abusing her mother by the nurse's and told to leave.

My sister in not well, she suffers from bipolar disorder, her husband is not well, both are struggling themselves, she called and told me she was done with mom, she will not go back to helping her.

I am concerned about my sister's well being as she beats herself up about all this and she thinks she is a monster. My psychologist told me to stop letting my mom use me emotionally.

It is hard, I love my mom dearly, but she is killing us. I know need to call my sister and support her, we both have our lives and the problems we have to deal with daily. I am so tired.

Are we bad people? The guilt is overwhelming.

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