Mom fighting us on her care

by Cindy
(Nj)

My 86 year old mother lives alone and complains everyday that’s she’s alone. My brother and I both work so we can’t be there for her. Recently her copd is getting worse and she can’t do a lot of things for herself, (showering, laundry, etc).


Her doctor suggested a home health aide but she doesn’t want somebody she doesn’t know and they have to be white(her words). She doesn’t take her medications she says too many side effects.

In a nut shell she only wants my brother or me to take care of her. I work 4 days a week, on my day off I have to bring her to DR appointments. Which leaves me pushing my stuff to the back.

She constantly complains to me about being alone. My brother says maybe a nursing home but she says she’s not leaving her home.

I am totally frazzled, have stress and can’t sleep because we talk every night and anything I recommend she fights me on. I’m just trying to help her, my brother pacifies her. For instance dr gave her antibiotics he says just take them when u need them, that’s not how they work .

I was totally humiliated when she told her dr she doesn’t want a black person in her house. I’m at my wits end.
My mother has alienated her friends and family.

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Kudos to you
by: Angel

I totally understand you, my mother gives me the same grief. She cannot take care of herself anymore and refuses to hire an aide because they all steal especially the black ones (her words).

I was also embarrassed when she shared that gem with others. I am always worried and stressed, she won’t even consider a life alert because she thinks it’s a scam, ugh.

Whenever I try to explain anything, I get frustrated. So I am left with working nights because I need to be available for her during the day, I have 2 teen daughters and my own house. I have to clean (maids will rob you), care for her personal needs, and do all her shopping and Dr appointments.

As you can feel, I started to get very overworked and stressed like you. . My own health was taking a toll so I started not giving in to my mother. I still helped her with personal needs and cleaned but I had grocery’s delivered one day and he came in and placed them on the counter for me, she was outraged to say the least but I told her I had my daughters concert to go to later and I was not going to miss it because she was so stubborn.

She cried and threw a fit but I had to stay strong. I started getting help with other little things too, if she wanted to stay in her home then she would have to accept some changes. So if you are able to do that it may help a little bit. Stay strong, kudos to you for taking care of you mother.

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