Misunderstood

My resentment and profound sadness comes from the time just after my father died.

I had just been hit by several huge life events and whilst still reeling from this my brother in law was diagnosed with cancer (from which he would die 2 years later) and my father was admitted to hospital and died within the week.

Just prior to all this happening I had recovered from a long illness and was trying to maintain wellness.

My sister accused me of taking over, of not allowing her room when she never responded to my many requests for dialogue so I was left exhausted and running myself ragged.

In all this I just felt awful like I'd done everything wrong and much later I couldn't work out why I was having such a hard time emotionally until I realized no one had acknowledged or cared about the losses I endured because my sister having a husband was considered 'real' but my relationship wasn't.

Every time I've tried to talk to my sister about it, telling her I knew she would have helped but I did her share because her husband needed her, it erupts in argument and misunderstanding.

But there is a divide between us now which is very painful, I can't believe this could happen to us but I am so hurt by the disregard and unwillingness to understand my point of view, but we were never a family who talked about anything important and we never grew up with affection or warmth so maybe I need to write off this relationship.

But I have no one and I wish it could be repaired because I just would like someone to talk to about the stress, the resentment and the pain.

Thanks for letting me vent.