Miss M Speaks Up

by Victoria
(Lake Charles LA USA)

My brother & I placed our widowed 90 year-old father in the nursing home because of falls and failure to take medication as prescribed. We both have jobs but he runs his own business.

It seems as if I am the "go to" person to do errands & visitation or a regular basis. I am not the financial guardian & am expected to leave messages requesting money to purchase consumables. I should say that we come from a culture were women are subservient to men and are expected to do what we are told!

It should be told that a few years prior my brother did not help care for my 93 year-old grandmother when she lived with my parents.

I asked for help to cover shifts and he was too busy with his own business to help. Suddenly our mother became terminally ill and our grandmother was moved out of town to a nursing home.

The time has passed when I feel or even ask for help in getting any support caring for my father. I need help cleaning & disposing of my parents' home and contents. my brother has mowed the yard a few times but has yet to pack the first box. He hired someone to clean 3 bathrooms.

My father is anxious to sell his antiques and home but my brother is too busy with his business to help. What can I do to get his help?

I have been helping my boyfriend with his deceased mothers' home break down during the same 12 months. Help!

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Just Say NO
by: Anonymous

Gosh, doesn't anyone have any boundaries? Seems like there are the do-gooders and the do-nothing for anyone types! Anyone in between the extremes?

I think there ought to be a discussion about setting some guidelines for balance here.

Women are always the ones who bear the burden...but there are some who are too selfish, too spoiled, or whatever you like. So the real question is where does the caregiver draw the line?

My brother is wealthy and uncaring, my sister cares but nees care herself, I am self employed (so people think that means unemployed) and I can barely make ends meet. I too am laying down the boundaries.

I think my parent finally sees that other people can help her as well and often better than I can. I don't have to prove anything. I help when I can and I also try to be there for myself.

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