Misery of Old Age
It has been six weeks now since my mother was taken into hospital, everyday I have made the journey which takes about 2 hours there and back...I stay there for over 2 hours seeing my mother in such a state is awful to say the least.
Not one day for the six weeks has it been pleasant and now they are thinking of discharging her and placing her into a care home. They say she could last for months and I am left with the task of looking for a care home in my area.
I feel so unwell myself and should go to the doctors I have this constant feeling of something being stuck in my throat and acid reflux, but I am so fed up and have no time to make an appointment and I am so depressed.
My mother is dying and I feel so sorry for her, as it would be such a blessing if she died peacefully in her sleep she is 88 years old and has been ill now for over 3 years.
I am going on 64 years and feel that I have come to the stage in my life when I really don`t have that many years left, and I am burdened with this never ending situation. She has been ill for years and I have looked after her for years. I know they say that she is dying but dying comes so hard for her, she wants to die and she is very depressed. She has relied on me and I have always been there for her, so she would like me to take her back to my place to care for her until she dies. She is bedridden, cannot walk and it requires two people to change her etc., and she has a lot of pain with her leg when she is touched. She would have to have a hospital bed and I could not face it as I would have to clear my downstairs living room to accommodate this bed and stay with her constantly 24/7 and hand on heart I could not do it.
I never thought the time would come when I wished so hard for my mother to pass away, I feel guilty about this but there is no coming for her, and I would like to be free of her to taste freedom for the first time in years as I feel that my life is slipping away.