Misery of Old Age
I have written a few times before, mostly about the misery of old age and the fact that I have been looking after my dear old mum for years.
Now the situation has got even worse, she was taken into hospital last week with a blood clot, I go and see her everyday, and the heartbreaking part is she is no longer my mother, just this frightened frail old lady who is so confused, she doesn't know half the time were she is and pleads with me to take her back home, I can`t do this as she is unable to walk and needs medical attention.
The medical staff are very good and she gets so upset if they try to do anything for her, she was suppose to have a bone scan today but they couldn't do it as she became so upset.
She can`t walk, she can`t go to the toilet and has to be changed like a baby, her mind seems to has gone completely, I would love to have a normal conversation with her, we used to talk for hours but that`s all gone now, it is soul destroying to see her like this.
It would be impossible to bring her home, I could not cope and my husband is also disabled, I feel awful leaving her like this, she doesn't understand and thinks that I am turning my back on her.
My husband and I are not young I am 63 and he is 71, we haven't got the health any more to look after my mother as she is getting worse and has to be looked after constantly.
She wants to die and it would be a blessing, she is 88 years old and I never thought she would end up in such a state.
I do not know were to turn and dread the though of seeing her tomorrow as she wants me to take her home, of course I will go see her, but every time I leave feel so wretched.