Misery of Old Age

by Gloria
(united kingdom)

I have written a few times before, mostly about the misery of old age and the fact that I have been looking after my dear old mum for years.

Now the situation has got even worse, she was taken into hospital last week with a blood clot, I go and see her everyday, and the heartbreaking part is she is no longer my mother, just this frightened frail old lady who is so confused, she doesn't know half the time were she is and pleads with me to take her back home, I can`t do this as she is unable to walk and needs medical attention.

The medical staff are very good and she gets so upset if they try to do anything for her, she was suppose to have a bone scan today but they couldn't do it as she became so upset.

She can`t walk, she can`t go to the toilet and has to be changed like a baby, her mind seems to has gone completely, I would love to have a normal conversation with her, we used to talk for hours but that`s all gone now, it is soul destroying to see her like this.

It would be impossible to bring her home, I could not cope and my husband is also disabled, I feel awful leaving her like this, she doesn't understand and thinks that I am turning my back on her.

My husband and I are not young I am 63 and he is 71, we haven't got the health any more to look after my mother as she is getting worse and has to be looked after constantly.

She wants to die and it would be a blessing, she is 88 years old and I never thought she would end up in such a state.

I do not know were to turn and dread the though of seeing her tomorrow as she wants me to take her home, of course I will go see her, but every time I leave feel so wretched.

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I Remember That Too!
by: Anonymous

I remember when I had no strength left to care for my dad - today I remember (like Hagar in the desert with her son - having nothing left to give, and hoping that he dies quickly so he doesn't have to suffer any further)and I cry with you.

Your Mom is experiencing some stress due to her apparent inability to cope mentally with her own health condition. Do you think she should be medicated to relieve her of this problem? Amytriptyline helps some patients to relax, get the rest they need and not to worry so much.

Maybe you can ask the doctor about how they can help in this regard - EVEN IF IT'S TEMPORARY.

I Could have Written This!
by: Leasa

Wow, your story is so close to what I went through with my mother it's unreal! One thing that helped....when at the hospital look around.

How many people are old and ill and never has a visitor or very, very few? You are going to check in on her every day...she is lucky to have someone in her life that cares. Right across from my mom's bed, was a woman the same age, had all her faculties but had no idea where her children were at all and hadn't seen any of them in years. She was totally, completely alone.

I also went to see my mom every day and at times she was extremely angry with me and very hurtful...I can't count how many times her words made me cry. I did take care of her at home for two months after she lost the complete use of her legs and it almost did me in both physically and emotionally.

She became like your mom very confused and after that my guilt went away as then she became very pleasant. Just do your best, don't run yourself down and realize that you are a good daughter. She is lucky to have you.

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