Misery Lives Here
I found this website quite by chance, and guess what? This tragedy happens in England too.....
Many years ago, I agreed to share a house with my mum and have almost imperceptibly fallen into the trap of becoming her live-in, 24/7, taken-for-granted, primary care-giver. For the last few years, mum gets nervous if I'm out of the house for over an hour and I no longer have a life of my own. I am the younger "unmarried" daughter, now middle-aged.
My older sister, the "married" one with grown-up children, is revered by our mother, lives over 200 miles away, visits when she chooses, criticizes me at will, is resentful towards me and has been ever since I was born. She will turn from sweetness and light to spiteful in an instant with me for no apparent reason. I never, ever knew where I stood with her. The mind games she plays with me have made me deeply unhappy over the years and I have never understood her attitude.
Mum's take on this is that my older sister doesn't really mean what she says (she is sometimes nasty to mum as well) so I should tolerate and ignore any provocative behaviour.
Mum has been recently very, very ill and in hospital, though she is now on the mend. My sister blamed me for mum's illness, criticized me for medicating mum - even though this was in accordance with doctor's advice and prescription - and attempted (unsuccessfully) to publicly discredit me at the hospital as responsible for mum's medical condition. She also told a medical team that mum would be living with her when she left hospital as I was an unfit carer - a statement that she quickly withdrew when back home with her own family. That was the final straw for me.
Nonetheless, my sister and her entire family are now up in arms at my intention to finally extract myself from my unhappy position by placing mum in sheltered accommodation and getting my own house/life. They all say that I am being utterly selfish and that mum is far too old for me to "do this" to her. The emotional pressure that I'm under is immense.
Apparently, I was born into a life of servitude. Freedom for carers such as me is non-existent. We are slaves to our ageing parents and our sloping-shoulders siblings prefer to keep it that way.
Resentment doesn't even begin to describe how I feel, and the guilt! I fully comprehend the meaning of the word misery; I'm living in it.
It is some small comfort to read that I am not alone...