My mother is 86, she had a mild stroke a year after having abdominal aneurysm. I decided it was time she had someone close by to live with her.
I asked her 3 times before I moved, my 6 siblings were in agreement. When I made the move, it was not the warm fuzzy welcome. Years prior, she turned her spare bedroom into a walk-in closet, it eventually became a junk room with clothes she had not warn in 15 years.
She was aware I would have to flip this closet back into a bedroom as she did begin the process before I arrived. As I began the slow process (for her sake) of flipping.... it seemed she "flipped". I have been here for 2 years now and she has always resented me for this.
I believe my mother resents me because she is somewhat dependent on me, I have taken charge of her medication, doctor appointments, cleaning of "her house" (as she puts it), keeping her safe, picking her up when she falls, keep track of her medical/hospital stays, and I keep my siblings updated as to her overall health, etc.
My mother was diagnosed with dementia as well as had four major hospital stays in the last 18 months. I have come to realize she lashes out at me because she is not a happy person and really never was, and my mother just cannot take responsibility for her mistakes (it's secret), and she knows I am smarter all the while for it - as I took responsibility for my mental and emotional state for all the abuses I incurred while growing up.
I have come to realize my mother does not like a "woman" who is in control because my mother is and always has been very controlling and needs to be the center of attention.
The problem my mother has is the fact that she can control some of my movements around "her" house, what she cannot control is my thought process - the way I think and feel, but she does try!
My mother cannot go but a few days with all going well, she cannot give me that benefit, so she stirs something up so I will now be the focus of her "mind monsters" instead of her own.
So, it is a challenge, but I am fortunate to have siblings who support me - if nothing else to vent.