Grandfather is an alcoholic (no drink since May), narcissistic and always has been. He was abusive to both mother and grandmother physically and mostly emotional. There is no bond whatsoever, but we have to pretend there is to care for him.

He is quick to anger and is really not nice, but to other people he is this lovely old man who is so kind and friendly... I wish other people see what myself and my mum see every single day when caring for him and I wish they could even just witness the abuse.

Father passed away and brother lives away and has nothing to do with him, he doesn't even call or write. There is none else.

Grandfather is moderate/severe dementia so I dread what is going to happen in the future. I do not have a life anymore - everything 24/7 is him and the same with my mother. Even when we are at home - we are constantly on edge as to when he will call us, we see him every day and just face constant abuse.

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by: Christine

While I have not been in all the places within your life that you present, the one thing that struck me is the "he seems so nice to everyone else but to us..." statement.

My stroke-survivor mother (82) is always being described by outside caregivers (hospital and nursing home only, as she won't have "outsiders" in her house) as being so sweet, caring and compliant. She is just SO not that way at home, which is where she demands to be.

My father and I just look at each other and shrug our collective shoulders when she's described by others as "lovely," because she sure isn't lovely toward us. Maybe it's just a frustration thing, but it sure makes me feel like - well, for lack of a better word - crap.

Try to blame the illness or the simple fact of growing older and losing what he had. It might make you feel better, even if he was difficult before. Best, best wishes.

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