Making the Right Choice.

by Renata

Being chosen is your opportunity to become rich 'within'. This is your chance to do the right thing for someone else while you also answer the call to your higher-self. Your life becomes purer and simpler for you, but only when you jump in with both feet. It's much harder when you're trying to keep two very different worlds together, in the same place - in you.

You know its your call, when you are needed and there is no one else standing in line - nobody wants it. But you can't let that need go unmet - you can't justify it within yourself.

Although I didn't realize it then, I do now. There is a unique provision available - but not visible at the time - to those who are 'the chosen one'. But it only manifest when you are on the path of choice which clearly expresses you as a 'giver', somehow channels open up to help you to do 'that' for that other person.

In twelve years my brother gave me $20 to help care for our mother... I'll double it for safety's sake, say $40 - I didn't ask him for it but I almost begged. Today, I realize that it doesn't matter what he thinks/does. I love him, but I realize he does not care! Thank God I didn't need him like I thought.

RULE#3 The people who don't care, you probably don't need! (To help you get it done I mean) Regardless of who they are or what you think they should be doing. You'll figure it out soon enough. Expectations wrongly placed will usually disappoint. Forgive and let it go! They have made their choice and you have made yours, that's all to it, as far as you are concerned.

I've noticed that if you focus on allowing yourself to grow and learn and love by being faithful to that 'call to service' which is shaping you, one day you will look up and see something uniquely beautiful that is 'you', nothing can make you happier.

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I AM...a Caregiver
by: Anonymous

Whenever I open this forum, I always look for the title of the entry that appeals to me that day. If I'm going crazy, I look for someone else going crazy, complaints about siblings, Mom is impossible, etc.

Sometimes I take the higher road and look for support in that direction. Today is one of those days, and this is the entry that caught my eye.

I also believe that we have been chosen because of so many reasons of which we are unaware. There are no coincidences, everything happens for a reason, and it's never only about you. I believe that as we go through life thinking that we are on our little pathway, there is a huge web of connections that are taking place in the background around us. By our actions, we either leave destruction behind us or we touch lives in a meaningful and profound way.

I feel sometimes that I am so close to breaking through to the other side of this caregiving position. I want to go from the side of anger and resentment to the side of gratitude and wonder. I want to live in the moment and learn everything I am supposed to learn from this experience and not waste time missing the entire crux of the lesson. I read the words "Your life becomes purer and simpler, but only when you jump in with both feet" and these words struck a spark in me.

I've been trying to live my life and her life and putting them together or keeping them separate but now I realize THIS is my life. I AM a caregiver. I'm not just a daughter who has been stuck with moving back home to take care of mom. I've been kicking and screaming the entire time as if I have no choice. And, as we all know, many occasions warrant kicking and screaming. But the separation it has caused within me is so exhausting and I'm not giving myself any credit for who I am and what I'm doing.

I'm not just my mother's daughter. I am me. I have chosen to do this for her. There is a reason. There are, no doubt, many reason. Until I embrace it, and jump in with both feet, and unite these two worlds as my life, I will continue to resent and I will miss everything that I came here for.

All the things she does that constantly irritate me, this is part of the lesson. All the struggles with balancing time and energy, with communication, with monitoring my reactions, maintaining my Self while being bombarded by her life and sustaining my own...THIS IS MY LIFE. THIS IS THE LESSON.

I know there is a wealth of knowledge and growth in this opportunity. Yes, I said it...opportunity. When I can cross that line, and start living this belief, my world will open up to receive the blessings that come with this gift.

Sigh. It just never seems to end, the lessons we learn in life, and, as that is what life is for, would we want it any other way?

Caring for 93 Year Old - 10 Years + Counting!
by: Renata

You deserve an award! I wouldn't worry too much about your reaction to a very difficult and overbearing person. What stands out to me, is that you are still there!

We family members are not perfect at this, in fact we know nothing about it at first and it can prove to be very disgusting sometimes. Have you ever seen how stranger-caregivers generally treat your folks? It's ten times worse!

They barely look at them, or even look them in the eye. All we have is, we know them for who they were before sickness and old age set in - they are not strangers to us.

Ever considered giving your dad the opportunity to see what its really like not to have you? Raise money somehow for a one month stay at an elderly care facility and take a full break from him for a month. It's not harsh.

If for some reason you can't do this anymore it will be fifty times worse for him. So take a full break!

Losing all for Love.
by: Renata

Taking the time to care for both of my separated-parents took everything I did not have! Because of it I have no husband today, no job, no respect. But that is changing.

I have gained my own respect for my hard choice - this is a very real part of life, and I'm living it! I understand it feels long but is actually just a few years - My life will never be the same. I intend to make my life count!

I don't do it all myself, I pay someone to do most of the dirty work, and I enjoy the better part of my parents lives with them.

That's Usually what Chosen Means - It Chooses You.
by: Anonymous

I also lost everything I had, Career, Social life, respect from others. But I eventually realized that I have accomplished more in my life 'in that time' than all those who thought I was down for the count. I now have my own home - Mortgage free, Car, Tenants, Total Independence!

I account to no one but God. I am the Queen of my very own Castle and grateful that I did what was pressed upon me to do - caring for my father.

If my father was mean, or I resented him, I would have let him use his income/pension to get 'paid care' and just visit and make sure he is sufficiently cared for -knowing he'd be giving them real trouble on a daily basis.

Unless of course you need his help financially, then I would humble myself. I remember that in truth, I was having trouble keeping up with my regular job, the stress of routine deadlines and long hours was not working for me anymore and I was just doing it for the money, I wasn't enjoying it at all. The money was good!

But I knew life had to be about more than giving my blood and sweat -having no time for myself or anybody that mattered to me - for something that does not satisfy.

I started caring for my dad empty - with nothing -I left my new job suddenly, a first for me. In five years while my head was bowed down, my father gave me all he had - which didn't seem like much at the time. I scorned everything, even the house!

But two years after he passed and the dust settled, I discovered slowly that I became rich and I can enjoy it with peace. My friends? They are still working hard - for strangers.

Maybe, if You are in for Sainthood !
by: Anonymous

There is no question of me being the "chosen one". I had no CHOICE, It was DUMPED on me and I have been doing it for 10 years! I have paid a huge price in terms of compromising my career, neglecting my marriage, ruining my social life.

My 93 year old father had always been always controlling, bullying, exacting, criticizing, sarcastic. I suppose he never expected to live this long and become so dependent. Now he eats and shits in bed, but expects me to be at his beck and call. He constantly criticizes, complains, heaps sarcasm. He never knew the words 'please" or "thank-you".

He blames me for everything, constantly accuses me, has no gratitude whatsoever. For my part, I lose it from time to time and lash out at him.

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