Love in the Retirement Home Part 3!

by Pete
(Scottsdale, AZ)

To all who have offered comments and assistance, thank you from the bottom of my heart. You and this caregiver forum and website are a GODSEND to me and so many others out there! I know we are not alone in this and people do care.

Well I spoke with the "home" and they pretty much threatened me that my Dad should be sedated or else we can go. So I took my Dad to his regular doctor, we did have him checked for everything including an infection. None. His doctor prescribed Prozac because he said an anti-anxiety medicine can be really dangerous for people afflicted with Alzheimer's/Dementia. So he is on the once a day pill and we are taking it a day at a time. My Mom finally spoke to me(I think she liked the lasagna I made) and she said we are all going through a hard time but for me to stop making it harder on her.

I met with the facility coordinator who said if my Dad continues to act inappropriately they will have to ask us to remove him.

I told her we are doing everything in our power and Dad is on a new medication. All she could say is now that will mean an additional cost of care level to our monthly bill! I also have found out that the woman my Dad was so affectionate with has tried to be lovey dovey with other men in the facility! A really nice caregiver told me that information so I informed the facility coordinator that my Dad is not the only "Romeo" staying there!!!!

My sister is still not speaking with me but I will keep trying to make amends. I don't know how much longer Dad can stay there so I'm looking around at other places.

This place just moved a really violent man into the second level care place and because he has a round-the-clock caregiver/nurse he is supposed to be okay with them. He punched a caregiver in the stomach and tried to choke one of the other youngest girl caregivers!!

I'm to the point where I am actually afraid for my Dad being in this place. Should I try the Ombudsmen service or should I wait till we get my Dad out of there?
I'm scared for Dad.

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Sort of Been in your Shoes
by: Anonymous

While the circumstances are different I have been in your shoes in that one of my sisters wouldn't speak to me when the care giving of my parents was taking place. (they are both gone now).

She was super angry that she had to do any of the care giving because she is bipolar, holds down a full time job, has two sons and also was in marriage counseling. I could see her point. She was mad because I lived out of town and couldn't "do my share" as she puts it.

Anyway here is how I solved this particular problem. I started being really nice to her. Sending her boys extra gifts, sending birthday and holiday gifts that were extra nice, and ignoring her nasty looks and comments when I saw her. She now no longer gives me nasty looks and comments and occasionally will send me an email.

It was misplaced anger on her part...I was a convenient target. She was stressed to the max. Anyway, if possible I would try the back door approach. If she has kids send extra gifts, etc. It is worth a try. Good luck.

Right track.
by: Leasa

You are really on the right track now and I can hear it in what you write that you are feeling much better! I'm glad. As for the home your dad is in, the director has what I call Lazyitis! To work with you would take effort and it's much easier for her to say 'out he goes!'.

Find another place for your dad. The one I worked in has a special unit for people with dementia and it was great. But, I am in Canada.

For low income people, it is a free service...they just take the old age pension, then give back $130. spending money to the patient so they can get their hair done, nails done if they want, whatever they want.

Keep us informed. Your sis will come around, give her time and keep trying.

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