Love Does Not Mean 'Debt'.
I've read just about every post on this entire forum. I've posted what I have been going through. As a PARENT I would never put my kids through what so many of us on this forum have had to bear. I am going to be making a living will that clearly states I am not to live with any of my children when I become unable to live on my own. I will go to a nursing home or some other senior complex.
My children owe me nothing. I raised them, loved them and cherished them and I was blessed to have them. There is no child to parent debt. We all have to ingrain that fact into our brains.
When older parents, or younger ones for that matter start to feel as though their kids 'owe' them that is pure evil selfishness to the nth degree.
I and all of you owe them nothing. We can and in most cases (not all) love them, make sure they are being looked after but if we are doing it out of a sense of guilt and ruining our lives and our family's lives then we all need to see a shrink.
When an elderly parent has no concern for your happiness or well being it is the parent who is wrong, not you. That is not love. That is not respect.
If an elderly parent can no longer look after themselves and be safe at home, that is what nursing homes are for. There is a reason they exist.
So my message to you all and one I have just learned myself is guilt has no place in a healthy parent to child relationship and the world won't fall apart if they get angry with you. Do what you have to do and if they really love you, they will come around emotionally, if not.....move on.