Losing Myself

by Deb
(Michigan)

My mother in law has been living with us for two years. She has some dementia and doesn't walk well. We took her out of her apartment to live here. She was an alcoholic and chain smoker. Her apartment was a dump.

She no longer drinks or smokes but is still just a filthy person. She hoards food. I find it in her drawers with spoons stuck to it. She spills coffee all over the carpet and just leaves it.

She makes messes on her toilet and floor in bathroom and leaves them. She goes to day care and complains she does nothing there. I call the staff and they tell me she refuses to go to activities. I am fed up with all of it and have slipped into a deep depression. My counselor doesn't think she should live here anymore.

I resent her terribly and I don't even like her anymore. She also has a very stinky cat with her. Her room stinks like cat poop and urine. Yuck! I just can't take anymore. My patience is gone. My marriage is suffering and I don't recognize myself anymore. I feel guilty for the feelings I have and feel like running away.