Losing my mind!

by Sasha
(Phila, Pa)

I am 48,my parents are 74(Mom)& 80 (Dad). I am going thru a nasty divorce and had to come live with them. I am not working due to several severe autoimmune diseases & their complications. My estranged husband literally left me here.

We were moving from Fl to Pa & had ALL our 10 years of marriage possessions in a storage space in Fl, we were to go back them for once we got settled in Pa.He literally snuck out in the middle of the night about a month after arriving, no fight, no discussion, no notice, nothing.

The main reason we were moving here, he QUIT his job 2 months prior & we were being EVICTED from our apt. I, after a long discussion w/him stopped working 9/2015. We BOTH felt I needed to take some time for my health.

I applied for SSDI 9/2015.He became our sole support, I ALWAYS made twice what he did, but NEVER made it an issue, it was our $$$. So fast fwd to 9/2016, at HIS suggestion, we were moving to Pa to live with my parents til HE found a job & I could focus on my health & giving my parents some much needed help.

He abandoned me, I waited 6 months, in complete shock. He didn't want to talk, or help with OUR bills or in the financial care of our 2 cats, we had together for 8 years. He REFUSED to get a job & his mother, who was always a HUGE problem in our marriage, supported & continues to support him so he doesn't have to go get a job!!

He's 48 years old & his mommy supports him! After 6 months I sold my wedding rings & filed for divorce. While I am waiting for my Disability determination, I have ZERO income, savings and have NONE of my personal things!

No clothes, no shoes, no underwear except what fit in a suitcase to come up to my parents before we were supposed to get everything from storage.My parents are on Social Security & didn't plan well for their 'Golden years', so their budget is extremely tight, the cannot help me.

There has been a court order put in place for him to give me pendent lite (financial support for the period between filing for divorce & completion) at This time he has not paid a dime, he owes over $15,000.

Because I can no longer afford a lawyer and we are in two different states I cannot get anyone to assist me in making him pay this balance and monthly. there are supposed to be consequences like losing his driver's license up to jail time but no one is helping me at all and I have called everywhere.

Now as far as my parents go they are both elderly my father had a fall a year ago and has not been the same since physically or mentally. physically he is in constant pain mentally he is definitely in the beginning to Mid throes of dementia.

My mother is extraordinary stubborn and refuses to believe that she is mentally showing the signs of aging and/or early dementia. They are both extremely childish and difficult. not only do I have to try to take care of my own health issues and lack of finances but I also have to do the same for them which is much more complicated.

I am trying desperately to breathe and I feel like I am drowning everyday. The stress of their health and financial circumstance on top of my own health financial and
life issues has become just too much to bear.

I have a sister who lives in Calif. and she has completely distanced herself from the three of us. She borrowed a bunch of money ($10,000+) from me years ago I didn't ask for it back for many years, I didn't need it, when I did she basically told me she couldn't repay me.

Her & her husband are LOADED!! She has helped out our parents financially that I have never asked her for any loan, even with everything I have going on.

She will call and talk to our father only, she won't really talk to our mother because all they do is fight. when my husband first abandoned me she did not contact me. she didn't contact me for almost a year-and-a-half.

She just let me be here taking care of our parents who she knows are extremely stubborn and difficult. Currently she once again has removed herself from any and all communication.

About 2 months ago I contacted her and basically told her whatever had happened in the past was the past we should just go forward, I didn't want to even talk about the past.

She was fine with that of course. every time I spoke to her no matter what I said I was wrong and it was never as bad as what I told her was really happening.

She would have a conversation with our father for 20 minutes and decide there was nothing wrong with him and definitely no dementia. no matter what I say she questioned me and was incredibly snobby and condescending.

In addition to all that she I said to my father several times that she did not believe that I was sick and I need to go find a job. I worked from when I was 16 up until 2015. I had a managerial position and worked about 60 hours a week.

She never had a real job, ever. And now she has a wealthy husband who is 15 years her senior and she is set. please don't think that I am jealous I would not want to be her I think she is a horrible person.

However I cannot continue to care for our parents alone for the foreseeable future! she is not helping even to support my needing to vent about what's going on here. she is incredibly childish and selfish as well.

Along with several autoimmune diseases I also have severe anxiety and depression. I cannot handle this situation much longer. I am very close to a determination from disability, literally within the next week or so I should have a yes or no.

My attorney says I should not have a problem receiving it. my intention is to move into my own place again as soon as possible after receiving disability.

But then I have the guilt of not being here to help my parents on a day-to-day basis and they definitely refuse any type of outside help. when I came back to live here after being gone for so many years I was shocked and blown away at the condition of the house and how my parents had just stopped caring for their home.

Their neighborhood has gone downhill tremendously and it is not safe like it used to be. I really have no idea what it is that I am supposed to do I am really truly losing my mind and it is making me physically sicker. I know there is a point when I have to just take care of me but the guilt is overwhelming.

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don't lose your mind , just be calm
by: dawn infinity

Hey,i read your story , i understand kinda what your going through. me &my husband divorced ,i had to move back in with my mom ,she too is stubborn at times likes to argue , sometimes i feel i have felt like I'm going slowly insane , but hopefully everything will work put just try &stay calm , you can do this you are more powerful than you think , don't worry about drawing your disability.

you will soon get it , just try &be calm &patent. about everything &everything will work out don't stress out that's not good on your heath , you don't need to be more stressed out.

Living with a parent or parent can be hard it took a little getting used to living back home but it gets easier. &soon everything will fall into place just hang in there we can only do so much on this earth we are not seraphim angels yet until. god takes us home. hugs dawn hope everything works out i'll be praying for u hon

I'm so sorry
by: Anonymous

I'm so sorry you're going through this and that your husband left you but if that's the kind of person he was/is , then maybe he did you a favor.

As soon as you can you need to get out of your parents house. As the other poster suggested, tell your sister she needs to handle things from now on.
It's a matter of survival for you

My health is declining and I am looking desperately for a solution to this situation.

We are entitled to happiness and to our own lives. We've got to fight for that.

All the best to you!

by: Greenacres

Pray that you get your SS and you will have to leave to take care of YOURSELF! Tell that narcissistic sister of yours that she is in charge. She'll just love it!

I had to cut my sister out of my life because she is toxic to me, Sounds exactly like your sister. Don't feel guilty.

You can only do what you can. Right at this moment you are stuck, but things can and will change. Your health is important. sorry about the legal stuff, can't help with that!

It is so depressing to not have control of your life anymore. You need help. Around here you can qualify for CPN's to go around and check on the elderly, but I think you have to pay for cooking, cleaning etc. Contact Social Services and see what is required to apply for assistance. Have a good day. Do something relaxing. You are not crazy.

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