Losing My Mind

I'm 56, I lost my dad a few years ago. In the last stages of my dad's illness I moved in with them to help care for him. I'm single, divorced, I have a brother and sister, both married with college age kids. Being the oldest girl, and single, I'm the designated caregiver. I work full time and pay all the bills, everything. My mom spends her entire income on TV shopping. She's put her bills in my name somehow.

She's only in her early 70s and capable of doing many things. She can't drive due to a mild stroke she had last year. I'm driver, housekeeper, cook, accountant, etc. she will not do anything but sit in the chair and shop.

She refuses to socialize, she says I'm her best friend, she won't even answer her own phone. If she does and it's one of her friends that lives out of state, she says hi and hands the phone to me. "Here, talk to my daughter." What the frick?

It's very bizarre and frustrating. My sister will ask her if she wants to go out to lunch or something, and she agrees, but always cancels at the last minute. They don't ask anymore. I can't have any kind of social life.

My life is pretty much over. I'm on anti anxiety medications, I'm constantly broke. She always wants more from me. Stacked of empty QVC boxes full of crap everywhere. Ive asked, begged, cried, please stop all this spending, I'm barely treading water, gone thru most of my savings paying her expenses.

I knew my dad was always frustrated with her spending but now I see what he was really going thru. I'm tired of the constant worry, feeling I'm not good enough, isolation. I feel like a hostage and moron that I feel this way.

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I Can See How You're Losing Your Mind
by: New Jersey

I pray for you. You're too young to be feeling the way you do. You need to stand up to your Mom concerning the spending and you need to socialize with people your own age.

Look at your Mom, she's fairly young to be so isolated. If you keep going the way you are now, you're going to be just like her. She needs to respect and appreciate you for all you do. I find the elderly can become quite selfish, let her know you have needs too.

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Compassion for you
by: Anonymous

I know just how you feel I've been caring for years for my 95 year old mother. I am bitter, resentful, feel like I don't have a life of my own any more. Your story helped me realize I am not alone and that other people are dealing with the same issues. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.

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cut those cards
by: Bittersweet

The first and obvious thing you need to do is take away her means of buying crap on QVC. I mean, really. Why haven't you already done this? By letting her buy crap you are enabling her.

Cut the credit card first of all. Second, stand up to her and tell her you're not paying for any more of the garbage she's buying from QVC.

I do a lot for my mother too, but I'll be damned if I'm going to allow her to buy junk that I'll end up paying for. I don't mean to sound harsh but part of the problem is you letting her do what she wants.

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